


8 + 9 = WHAT THE HELL

by aobanana



Category: Gintama
Genre: #yamazakiisnot32, I STARTED WRITING THIS BEFORE I EVEN KNEW YAMAZAKI'S REAL AGE BTW, I'll add more characters as I go, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4230237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aobanana/pseuds/aobanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In all honesty, Shinpachi was the last person Gintoki would've ever thought to feel some of attraction towards the same sex. And it's not like he minds... He just never expected it.<br/>At all.<br/>After all those years of Shinpachi “fangirling” over pop idol Otsuu, lusting over that neko girl he met on the train and then nearly having sex with her at a love hotel she called her “home”, and then kissing Pandemonium-san  twice (does she even count as a girl...?), Gintoki never would have expected this in a million years.<br/>The straight man of Yorozuya turns out to be not so straight after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who's Yamazaki?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> It's been a while since I've written a fanfic so excuse my writing...  
> Also, I'm quite new to the Gintama fandom (I got hooked almost immediately) and was quite surprised to see the lack of Yamazaki/Shinpachi fics on here. So I had to change that and write one myself lol.  
> Also, it's safe to say that I'm a big Gintoki/Hijikata shipper (otp, even) so of course I had to add that to this story. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> EDIT (8/11/2015):  
> I started writing this fic before I knew about Yamazaki's real age so I hope this doesn't put you at ease or anything. I swear to god he's only in his early 20s omggg #whoops

Gintoki didn’t know exactly how it happened.

In all honesty, he didn’t even intend for this to occur. He just happened to cross paths with Hijikata and Sougo tonight, - where they just happened to be on patrol _right in front of the bar_ he always goes to - when he heard both of them call his name.

“Oi, Yorozuya.”

“Danna.”

“I don’t even have my moped with me so I won’t be drinking and driving tonight.” The silver haired samurai suddenly felt his stomach churn and placed a hand on the wall, vomiting everything he drank only a couple minutes ago. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and coughed, straightening his back to face the two officers again.

“For once we’re not going to try and arrest you,” Hijikata rolled his eyes in disgust, blowing out a puff of smoke.

Gintoki blinked at them, clutching onto his stomach. “So am I still needed here, or-”

“We need you to do something for us,” Sougo replied bluntly.

“What- ‘Us’ as in the both of you?” Gintoki asked, picking his ear with his pinky. “I don’t mind you so much, but him…” He pointed at Hijikata. “I would never do anything for Oogushi-kun over there. The bastard likes mayonnaise. How fucking disgusting is that.”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole.” Hijikata flicked him off.

“Why don’t _you_ get fucked up the asshole,” the natural perm head countered.

The dark haired male scoffed. “You’re such a horny son of a bitch. Maybe we _should_ arrest you.”

“You can handcuff me later-”

“SHUT UP!”

Sougo rolled his eye, leaning his weight on one leg and placed a hand on his hip.

“Danna, are you gonna take the job?”

“You didn’t even tell me what the job is.” Gintoki stuck his index finger up his nose.

“Do we even need to tell you? I thought you were desperate for a job.” Hijikata took a drag from his cigarette.

Gintoki thought about all of the raw eggs on rice and dog food he stole from Sadaharu’s dog bowl  he ate for breakfast when there wasn’t any more rice for the past two weeks and nearly threw up the second time that night.

He loves Kagura, he really does. But two weeks straight of only eating eggs on rice and dog food (although he never told her about it…) was _too much_.

Enough was enough.

He needed to eat _real_ food again.

He didn’t even remember what real food tasted like.

He needed his parfait fix.

 He needed a lot of things…

 But parfaits are definitely high up on his list of “needs and wants”.

And the only way to check off his list is by having a shitload of money.

“Oi.”

“Hm?” Hearing Hijikata’s annoying voice snapped him out of his train of thoughts.

“Do you want the money or not?” Sougo slipped a hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, waving it in front of his face.

“It better not have something to do with asking Otae to marry your gorilla commander.”

“You’re close.”

“What?” Gintoki blinked at the sadistic teen. “What do you mean…”

“We’re gonna need you to spy on Yamazaki,” Sougo replied, handing over the envelope to the natural perm head.

Gintoki took the envelope from the other’s hand, and peered inside, ensuring that they weren’t cheating him. Sure, they’ve known each other long enough, but he couldn’t help but still feel a bit suspicious about the Shinsengumi bastards.

“Yamazaki… Is that the guy who had the hots for Tama?”

“That would be him,” Hijikata blew out one more puff of smoke before throwing the cigarette on the ground and grinding it with his heel.

“Number 9 on the popularity poll?”

Sougo nodded, crossing his arms across his chest.

“What does he have to do with Otae or Gorilla?” Gintoki asked, stuffing the envelope into his yukata and raised an eyebrow at the duo.

“Sougo thinks he has the hots for someone else,” Hijikata answered, digging out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“Not ‘thinks’. I _know_ he has the hots for someone else,” Sougo rolled his eyes.

Gintoki’s eyes widened. “What, so you’re saying he wants to fuck Otae? Gorilla? Have a threesome with them?”

“FUCK NO!” Hijikata nearly dropped his lighter at Gintoki’s reaction. “Are you an idiot?”

“Well excuse me for not knowing what exactly is going on, jackass.”

“Prick.”

The silver haired male took a step toward Hijikata and flicked the cigarette out of his mouth right before the other was about to light it.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER-”

“Yamazaki has the hots for your Four Eyes.”

"Say... Say that again." Gintoki breathed out as Hijikata held him by the collar of his shirt.

"Yamazaki has a school girl crush on your boring Four Eyes." He repeated, looking bored. "Or in other words, Number 8 and Number 9 are going out."

"Huh."

Hijikata released his hold on the perm head's shirt, setting him down none too gently on the pavement and fished for a new cigarette.

"So you're saying.... Yamazaki and Shinpachi... They're... Dating...?" Gintoki asked slowly.

"They might have already fucked around, who knows..." Sougo glanced over to Hijikata and flicked the cigarette out of his mouth, similar to the way Gintoki did only seconds ago, right after the taller male lit it. He took a side step to the right as Hijikata drew out his blade in a swift and angry manner.

"BASTARD!"

"I hope you die from lung cancer, Hijikata." The light brown haired teen said calmly.

"IF YOU DO, THEN YOU WOULD'VE LET ME SMOKE IN PEACE AND NOT FLICK THE CIGARETTE OUT OF MY FUCKING MOUTH, YOU ASSHOLE."

Sougo shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever."

Gintoki had a lot of questions running through his intoxicated mind. It's a good thing these two idiots didn't come to him for help the following day because he knew he wouldn't even be able to take in the information they just told him about, or worse, he wouldn't even be able to stand up from the terrible hangover he'd get from tonight's trip to the bar.

But before he could worry about the pounding headache he'd feel tomorrow morning, he had something much more important to worry about: _SINCE WHEN WAS PATSUAN GAY?!_

Shouldn't he have known about this? They live/work in the same roof for crying out loud! He even gave him advice about letting his room hide his porn mags from his sister, and not the other way around, which kind of counts as giving him the sex talk, right?

Speaking of his sister.... Does Otae know about this? If she does, how does she feel about it? How did she react? Did she yell at him? Did she kick him out of the house? Did she beat poor Patsuan to a pulp? Or did she accept him with open arms like a loving, caring sister should?

Gintoki ran all four scenarios in his head. He didn't know which one was the scariest: seeing her fists pound into Shinpachi the moment he came out to her, or seeing her with tear filled eyes as she gives him a hug and soon after yells at him for not telling her sooner.

With Otae, you could never tell with her.

But what about Kagura... Does she know about this? Sure, Shinpachi and Kagura are close, but are they really _that_ close? Gintoki is fully aware of the fact that they argue about the stupidest and smallest things, but would sacrifice their own lives for the sake of saving the other… however, would this topic be something that would come up casually in a conversation between them? Would Gintoki have to explain to her about same-sex intercourse? Would he need pictures, diagrams, _videos_?

Gintoki thought about the porn stash hidden in the closet of his bedroom. Did he even have any gay porn DVDS? JGVs?

Of course he did.

Hasegawa gave a couple to him as a birthday present last year (He still doesn’t know how the damn MADAO got his grimy hands on some money to buy all the DVDs… Someday he’ll ask him about it.) after having figured out that they both found their twenty minutes of clumsy, messy, and rough, _washroom sex_ quite enjoyable.

Okay, well, the natural perm head wasn’t exactly conscious at that time, but according to Hasegawa, they both found pleasure that night.

Gintoki should really cut back on his alcohol consumption.

Or… what if after explaining all of this, Kagura discovers that she is indeed a fujoshi and ends up reading fanfictions or mangas, or _worse_ , she'll end up like most of the people watching this god forsaken anime and/or reading the manga and ship himself with Hijikata?

He may have fucked around with Mayora a couple times: The first time was when they were both insanely drunk. The silver haired samurai initiated the whole thing after he pulled Hijikata into an alley and kissed him hungrily and messily, pinning him against a wall. The Shinsengumi officer kneed him in the balls as soon as their lips met causing Gintoki to curse, taking a couple steps back, only to collapse on the ground.  However, the pain quickly passed because he ended up fucking Hijikata right beside a dumpster and maybe even two curious cats after Gintoki just so happened to admit that he was “horny as fuck” and forced Hijikata to grope his growing erection through his yukata.

This, of course, wasn’t the cause of their new “relationship”.

Hell, they aren’t even really in a relationship.

To be honest, Gintoki didn’t know how to explain their relationship…

Every now and then, - whenever Gintoki is walking _alone_ in the streets of the Kabuki district and spots Hijikata leaning casually against a wall, taking a drag from his cigarette – he’d walk up to the Shinsengumi officer and tell him to meet him at his house, pinch his ass, and then walk away.

Gintoki didn’t bother turning around to check if the other male was following him because Hijikata almost _always_ follows the natural perm head home – with a safe enough distance between them to prevent the beginnings of rumors Gintoki didn’t want anyone (more specifically Kagura and Shinpachi) to know about.

The only times he doesn’t follow Gintoki home is when he has an important or urgent mission with the rest of the Shinsengumi to attend to that night. At these moments, Gintoki makes the decision to follow Hijikata and fight alongside him and the rest of the Shinsengumi.

The first night the Shinsengumi officer followed him home to his apartment, Ginoki pinned him against the door, similar to the way he did the night in the alley. Although this time, Gintoki kissed him less aggressively and they both did not have a sip of alcohol that night; meanwhile, Hijikata didn’t resist at all (didn’t knee his balls or punch Gintoki in the fucking jaw) and awkwardly wrapped his arms around the other’s neck. Gintoki slowly led him to his bedroom, clothes falling to the floor in the process, until finally moans echoed around the entire apartment.

The second night Hijikata followed Gintoki to his apartment, the sex was similar to the night before – possibly even less intense, but was still pleasurable nonetheless. After their second round that night, the natural perm head pulled out of Hijikata and rolled onto his back, panting as he stared up at a crack on the ceiling. As Gintoki ran a hand through his hair, he heard the other male calling his name. Hijikata told him that he’d stay the night and leave once the sun rose after he blew out a smoke from his cigarette. Gintoki nodded at that and kept his arms to himself (even though he had a strong urge to spoon him).

That night, as Gintoki watched the other male fall asleep, he knew he was screwed.

He fell in love with Hijikata.

And he had no idea how Hijikata felt about him.

Gintoki cringed at the thought and nearly threw up a third time that night.

He hated playing an act in front of everyone. He thought about telling Hijikata about how he felt, but decided not to because he didn’t want to deal with the potential risk of being let down.

He hated rejection just as much as the next guy.

Maybe even more.

He’d be lying if he said he was totally fine with what the relationship they have right now.

He wanted something more. Something more…. official.

 _Maybe_ it's best to just set this whole thing aside – for _now_ , at least – and focus on the problem at hand: Is Shinpachi actually dating Yama-

What’s his name again?

Gintoki shrugged his shoulders.

In all honesty, Shinpachi was the last person Gintoki would've ever thought to feel some of attraction towards the same sex. And it's not like he minds... He just never expected it.

 At all.

After all those years of Shinpachi “fangirling” over pop idol Otsuu, lusting over that neko girl he met on the train and then nearly having sex with her at a _love hotel_ she called her “home”, and then kissing Pandemonium-san  _twice_ (does she even count as a girl...?), Gintoki never would have expected this in a million years.

The straight man of Yorozuya turns out to be not so _straight_ after all.

“Oi, Yorozuya. Isn’t that Four Eyes?”

“Probably not. He doesn’t stay up this late,” Gintoki looked up when Hijikata – a cigarette finally sitting in between his lips - elbowed him on the ribs in an attempt to get his attention.

The silver haired male clutched onto his injured side and cursed at the Shinsengumi officer. He squinted his eyes, looking past people’s shoulders - it was quite crowded tonight for some reason - as he searched for Shinpachi. His eyes finally landed on a familiar _boring_ figure wearing a familiar _boring_ pair of glasses.

“Oh shit, that _is_ Patsuan… What’s he doing out so late?” Gintoki asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands in an attempt to get a better look at the figure standing a couple feet away from them.

“We should be asking you that,” Hijikata replied, crossing his arms across his chest after he sheathed his sword. “Aren’t you his guardian or something?”

“I’m his ‘something’. Like I said, he doesn’t usually stay up this late.”

“Were you guys not listening to me?”

Hijikata and Gintoki stared at the shortest male.

“Of course you weren’t.” Sougo sighed. “He probably fucked around with Yamazaki tonight.” He stared at Gintoki and pointed at him.  “You didn’t know he was going out?”

“Am I always supposed to know everything that’s on his agenda…?” Gintoki raised an eyebrow. “I thought teenagers didn’t want anyone to know what they’re up to…”

Hijikata rolled his eyes.

“Look, the way he just came out from is the shortest way to get from the Shinsengumi headquarters to his house.” Sougo pointed out.

“And you know this, how…?” Hijikata took a drag from his cigarette.

“Die Hijikata,” Sougo mumbled. “I just do.”

“Right…”

“So,” Ginoki glanced at Shinpachi who was walking towards them and then back at the Sadist. “What now?”

“Talk to him. Bond with him. You’re going to get some answers from him.” Sougo replied, looking bored as usual.

“’Bond with him’?” Gintoki stared at him quizzically. “Wait… So I’m just supposed to straight up and ask him ‘Oi, are you dating that Shinsengumi idiot?’”

“In a nutshell… Yeah.”

“Why do _I_ have to do it?” The natural perm head whined. “Why can’t you guys ask that Yama-something fellow? It takes two to tango, y’know.”

“Yamazaki hates us.” Hijikata replied, while Sougo nodded his head.

“I’m like 99% sure Shinpachi hates me too. He just never says it out loud.”

“Look, it will go down a lot easier if you talk to Four Eyes about this. Trust me. We’re paying you to do this.” The dark haired male placed a hand on his hip.

Sougo walked up to Gintoki, leaning up to his ear and whispered. “That’s _only_ Hijikata’s money by the way.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW’D YOU GET MY MONEY?!” The taller Shinsengumi yelled, ready to unsheathe his sword again.

Sougo smirked and winked at Gintoki.

“Gin-san? Hijikata-san? Okita-san?”

Sougo peered past Hijikata’s and Gintoki’s shoulders and raised his eyebrows. “Turn around,” he whispered.

Gintoki shook his head. “I’m not ready to have this conversation,” he replied, his voice low.

“Suck it up.” Hijikita whispered.

“ _You_ suck it up.” The natural perm head countered.

“Uh… hello?”

“He’s still speaking,” Gintoki panicked, staring at Sougo frantically.

“I can _hear_ you, Gin-san.”

“O-Oi… Patsuan…” The silver haired male swallowed a lump in his throat before turning himself around very slowly.

When he faced the younger male, Gintoki noticed the unnatural way Shinpachi’s hair sat, all messy and tousled, as if he just made out with someone, or worse, just had _sex_ with someone. Gintoki felt his face flush at the thought.

“Did you drink too much again?” Shinpachi pushed his glasses up further up his nose, staring disappointedly at the taller male.

“I wish…” Gintoki turned his head and clenched his teeth, telepathically asking the two officers for some help.

“Just _talk_ to him,” Hijikata coughed, meeting Gintoki’s eyes.

“I _am_ , dammit.” Gintoki mumbled angrily.

“You’re what, Gin-san?” The shortest male raised an eyebrow at him.

Sougo walked passed Gintoki and stared at Shinpachi. “He’s gonna interrogate you.”

“Huh? ‘Interrogate me’? Shouldn’t that be your job?”

“Nah. This is danna’s job.” The light brown haired male scoffed and placed a hand on his hip. “And besides, our job is done for tonight, isn’t that right Hijikata?”

He didn’t wait for Hijikata to reply.

“Right. So we’ll be on our way.” Sougo turned his heel and began walking towards the Shinsengumi headquarters.

Hijikata watched Sougo’s back as he walked away. He glanced at Gintoki and then at Shinpachi before he nodded at them and followed the shorter male.

Gintoki gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. Damn those two idiots for leaving him alone.

Alone with a sexually active teenaged boy.

“What was that all about?” Shinpachi looked up at Gintoki, a look of confusion etched on his face.

Gintoki tried to avoid his quizzical look by playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of his yukata.

“Gin-san, you’re going to interrogate me? About what? Did I do something wrong?”

“Uh…”

Gintoki didn’t know what to say.

Okay, well technically he did know what to say.

He just didn’t know _how_ to say it without sounding too much like an overprotective _dad._

Shit… how the hell did it ever end up this way?


	2. Everyone's a bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to my sister for giving me the motivation to write this chapter in one sitting

“Gin-san, you look like you’re about to throw up. Are you okay?”

Gintoki looked at the other male when he felt a hand touch his shoulder – the hand that might have possibly touched Yamazaki’s dick only minutes ago - and instantly felt his face flush for a second time that night.

He’d much rather throw up than have the talk with Shinpachi right now.

“Why don’t I walk you home tonight?” Gintoki mumbled, staring at Shinpachi’s hand on his shoulder.

“If anything, I should be the one walking you home.” The Megane rolled his eyes and lifted Gintoki’s arm over his shoulder. “You should really cut back on the alcohol, Gin-san. You are aware that you live with a fairly young girl, right? I mean, Kagura doesn’t really count as a ‘young girl’ since she can kick your ass in blink of an eye, but you know what I mean.”

Gintoki widened his eyes for what seemed like the umpteenth time tonight when he felt the younger male lift his arm across his shoulder. Was… was Patsuan always this touchy-feely? Or did he do this with everyone? What if he only did this with the male population?

The silver haired male took a deep breath.

Wait a second… Did Four Eyes just call him a pedophile?

“What the fuck. Did you just call me a pedophile?”

Shinpachi stopped walking almost instantly and raised his eyebrows. “No. I didn’t. I’m just saying, that there’s some rumors going around…”

Those aren’t the only rumors going around, Gintoki wanted to say.

“For your information, I’m not so shut the fuck up and don’t listen to what adults say.” The taller male scoffed.

“I never listen to what you say anyways…” Shinpachi added under his breath, beginning to walk again.

“I heard that, bastard.”

Gintoki rolled his eyes and walked in step with the younger male.

The crowd began to die down as the two made their way home. To Gintoki’s surprise, the walk home was a lot more silent than he expected. Besides the obnoxious laughter coming from the bars and host and hostesses club, he was waiting for the younger male to ask him about what was bothering him before.

To be honest, Gintoki wanted to get it over with and talk about it… But was now really a good time?

He glanced over at Shinpachi, looked at the way his hair sat in different directions, a hint of a blush on his cheeks and a-

HOLY SHIT.

Is that a fucking hickey?!

Gintoki rubbed and then squinted his eyes in an attempt to get a better look at the other’s neck.

He gaped his mouth.

It is a hickey.

“G-Gin-san?”

The silver haired male shook his head, cleared his throat and stared straight ahead, sweat forming on his forehead.

“Why… were you staring at my neck?” Shinpachi slowly lifted a hand to the spot the elder male was staring at on his neck, blushing immensely.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Waitwaitwaitwait-” Gintoki raised his arms in defense, backing away from the Megane, nearly bumping into a drunkard coming out of a bar. “I wasn’t staring at anything!”

“Right…” Shinpachi stayed put, lowering his head and stared at the ground. He dropped his hand back to his side, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I-I gotta go. Good night, Gin-san…”

Gintoki watched as the younger male walked away from him, almost running into a couple of strangers. The older male ran a hand through his hair in frustration and groaned.

Nice going, asshole.

Way to make himself look like a pedo right after he told Shinpachi that he isn’t one…

The silver haired male sighed, scratching his head.

He desperately needed his parfait fix.

Once he did, he knew that the world will go back to normal…

At least, that’s what he wanted to believe.

~ ~ ~

When Gintoki woke up, he found himself lying on the floor by the entrance of his apartment. Guess he didn’t make it to his bedroom last night. He opened one eye and saw a flash of white and pink. He lifted his head and immediately regretted it as he instantly felt a sharp pain in his head. He whipped a hand up to his unruly hair and leaned against the wall, stabilizing himself.

“Shit…” Gintoki groaned.

The elder male looked up at Kagura who was wearing her pink pajamas and her hair was standing in all different directions – reminding Gintoki of Shinpachi’s hair from last night. He clutched onto this stomach as he recalled the events from the night before: Shinpachi blushing and his hickey… Running away from him…

He really wished that was all a dream.

“We don’t have any more eggs.” Kagura crossed her arms across her chest, staring disappointedly at the elder male as Sadaharu sat behind her watching a cockroach walk across the floor.

“What do you want me to do about it?” The silver haired male scratched the back of his head.

“Buy us something to eat, uh-huh.”

“Why don’t you? Can’t you see I’m hungover?”

“I don’t care if you’re hungover. Get your ass up and buy me some pork buns, uh-huh.”

“What, you finished all of the rice,too?” Gintoki asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“What else was I supposed to eat?” She countered. “Poor Sadaharu doesn’t even have any more dog food. Isn’t that right?” She turned to face the Inugami and petted his neck.

Sadaharu whimpered, his eyes becoming watery as he leaned into her touch.

“See? You’re making him cry, Gin-chan. What is wrong with you?”

Gintoki rolled his eyes.

“He is your responsibility. Not mine.” He carefully stood himself up, using the wall as leverage. Once he was fully standing up, he began to walk past the Yato and the giant dog. He felt a tug on the sleeve of his yukata and looked down at Kagura. “What?”

“I know you stole some of his food, uh-huh.” She whispered threateningly into his ear, pulling harder on his yukata. “By the way, you smell of vomit and sake. Disgusting.”

Gintoki widened his eyes and wrenched his arm back, surprised by the Yato’s incredible strength so early in the morning.

Damn Kagura and her sharp Yato eyes.

“Good morning.”

Gintoki stood still as he heard the door slide open and Shinpachi’s voice from behind his back. When he turned around to face the other boy, Gintoki couldn’t help but stare at his neck.

The hickey is still there…

Although he did comb through his hair today. No misplaced strands…

Interesting…

“Oi, did you get us something to eat?” Kagura asked, pointing at the Megane.

“No… was I supposed to?”

“Yes, you stupid Four Eyes.” She shoved his shoulder, nearly toppling the poor boy over, as Sadaharu barked in the background.

“Ouch,” Shinpachi lifted a hand to his shoulder, groaning at the impact.

“Don’t look me in the eye until you’ve brought Sadaharu and I something to eat, uh-huh.”

Gintoki pushed himself off the wall and stared at Kagura.

“Oi, what about me? I gave you a roof to live under, for Christ’s sake.”

“I don’t care about you at this point, Gin-chan.” She scoffed at him while Sadaharu, too, gave him a sour look. “I’m gonna change now and then I’m gonna go downstairs and ask Tama-san to make me something to eat. I’m willing to eat anything at this point… Come on, Sadaharu.” She walked away from Gintoki and Shinpachi, with Sadaharu in tow.

This left the two males alone in the entrance hallway.

Gintoki could feel the awkwardness between them and coughed into his hand, his body turned away slightly from the younger male.

“About last night-”

“Sorry for leaving you-”

The two stared at each other and chuckled.

“You go first,” Gintoki said, leaning casually against the wall.

Shinpachi nodded.

“Um… Sorry for leaving you last night. I… I just remembered that I had something to do at home.” The Megane placed a hand to the nape of his neck - the area close to his hickey, Gintoki noticed - and stared at the floor.

“So late at night, though?” Gintoki raised an eyebrow at him.

“Y-Yeah…”

“Hm.” The silver haired male nodded his head and whispered under his breath. “I’m impressed.”

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘I’m impressed’.”

“About what?” Shinpachi blinked up at him.

“That you could lie to my face like that.” He replied, a smug look on his face. “That you could be a shady son of a bitch.”

“W-What are you talking about, Gin-san?”

Gintoki smirked.

This was it.

He initiated it.

He lit the spark.

It was now or never.

“Are you-”

“Gintoki-sama? Shinpachi-sama? May I come in?”

Dammit.

“T-Tama-san!” Shinpachi breathed out a sigh of relief while Gintoki gritted his teeth and slid the shoji open, welcoming the robot inside the apartment. “What are you doing here?”

The green haired robot walked into the entrance of their home and bowed, thanking the younger male.

“Otose-sama told me to collect your rent money.” She glanced over to Gintoki.

“Can you wait five more days? I promise I’ll have the money ready by then.” The taller male said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

“Gintoki-sama…” A whirring sound came from the robot maid as her eyes changed colour and turned directly towards the silver haired male.

“Whoawhoawhoawhoa!” Gintoki flinched, raising his hands and legs up to protect himself from the incoming blow of lasers while Shinpachi yelped, running into the washroom.

The whirring sound came to a halt and Tama’s eyes returned back to normal.

“It seems like you already do have the money.”

“Eh?” Gintoki blinked at the robot. “No… No I don’t.”

“I saw it. The envelope in the sleeve of your yukata.”

“What envelope- Oh. That envelope.” Gintoki reached into the sleeve of his yukata and pulled out the envelope, holding it in front of his face. “Right…”

He wanted to disappear into the floorboards because he knew what was going to happen next.

3… 2… 1…

The sound of footsteps resounded throughout the apartment as Kagura – now dressed in her traditionally styled red outfit and hair ornaments – and Sadaharu ran into the hallway.

“Gin-chan… What the hell is in your hand?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips.

Gintoki glanced between Kagura and the envelope in his hand and chuckled nervously.

“The rent… money.” He replied, wincing, awaiting for the incoming blow from Kagura’s punches.

“’Money’, uh-huh?” She repeated, slowly taking a couple step towards him. “So you’re saying… you lied to my face?”

“W-What? When did I ever lie to you-”

“You… YOU BASTARD! YOU HAD MONEY ALL ALONG AND YOU NEVER BOUGHT FOOD FOR US?! DIE!” The Yato yelled, whipping her parasol from behind her back and shot a dozen bullets from midair.

Gintoki and Shinpachi screamed, pushing past Tama, as they ran out of the apartment at full speed.

“Sorry, Tama-san!”

“I’ll pay the rent once the crazy bitch calms down!” Gintoki said, cupping his mouth with his hand as he dashed down the stairs with Shinpachi.

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME A ‘BITCH’?” Kagura gaped her mouth as she stood at the balcony, watching the two males running away from her. “YOU BASTARDS ARE NEVER COMING BACK HERE! YOU HEAR ME?!”

Gintoki lifted a middle finger up in the air as he continued to run at full speed with Four Eyes towards who knows where.

Far, far away from that food deprived psycho, he hopes.

“Can we stop running now, Gin-san? My stomach’s cramping.” Shinpachi panted, clutching onto his stomach.

“Hm?” He glanced down at Shinpachi, rolled his eyes, and then nodded.

“Ha… Thanks-”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow as he saw the shorter male come to a sudden halt.

“Isn’t that Hijikata-san and-? O-Oh…”

The silver haired male stared ahead of them and felt his heart clench the moment he spotted the nicotine addicted bastard – in other words, the idiot he fell in love with (although he’d never admit that out loud… not yet… He’ll give it some time… A lot of time…) - leaning against the wall with a tight hold on another person sporting a familiar looking Shinsengumi jacket with lanky legs and dark hair.

Hold on… Is that…

Gintoki looked at the shorter male from the corner of his eye and smirked when he noticed a blush beginning to form on the other’s cheek.

“Gin-san… Can we turn around?”

Oh?

“And why is that, Shinpachi-kun? See someone you like? Hm…?” Gintoki nudged Shinpachi’s shoulder with his elbow.

“S-Shut-up…” The shorter male’s blushing intensified.

Bullseye.

“Oh, Hijikata-kun~” Gintoki took hold of Shinpachi’s arm and dragged him towards the Shinsengumi officers despite the fact that the younger male was thrashing in his hold.

“Oi… You look like a fucking pedophile right now. I should arrest you-” Hijikata stated, walking towards the silver haired male.

“FUCK YOU, BASTARD. Were you the one who started the rumors?”

“No. That was Sougo…” Hijikata replied, taking the cigarette out of his mouth with his index and middle finger, and blew smoke at Gintoki’s face.

“That sadistic bastard,” Gintoki coughed, waving away the puff of smoke from his face. “Speaking of which… Where is that son of a bitch?”

“He should be on patrol, but I highly doubt it. He’s probably dozing off right now…” The dark haired male lifted the cigarette back to his lips, and took a deep drag.

Gintoki nodded and glanced over to the shorter male standing awkwardly like a lost child beside Hijikata.

“Oi, Shinpachi-kun.” The silver haired male’s dead, crimson eyes met Hijikata’s steel blue eyes and nodded his head at him.

Hijikata rolled his eyes and faced the other officer.

“Oi, Yamazaki.”

“Gin-san…?” Shinpachi looked up at Gintoki, the blush never leaving his cheeks.

Yamazaki stood up straight, briefly glancing over to the shortest male, before he saluted.

“Y-Yes, Hijikata-san?”

Gintoki released his hold on Shinpachi’s sleeve and walked towards the taller Shinsengumi officer, standing close - closer than what was probably socially acceptable according to Hijikata’s beliefs– and leaned his weight on one leg, staring smugly at the two shortest males.

“So, who tops?”


	3. Through the eyes of the Straight Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly slightly slightly nsfw ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> and fluffy  
> idek where that came from tbh

Ever since the conclusion of the Popularity Poll Arc, Shinpachi became quite close to Yamazaki. They both realized that they had quite a lot of things in common. First of all, they are the boring, plain, stepping stones for the flowers (their leaders) around them. It took them a while to realize this, but boring characters such as themselves help the colourful people around them to bloom, to become the people that they are today.

 

But seriously…

 

_Are popularity polls really necessary?_

Shinpachi didn’t think so, but without them, he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to really get to know Yamazaki…

 

He didn’t realize it at first. He didn’t feel any attraction towards the older male until _very_ recently. Shinpachi didn’t really know where it came from. Maybe it was the way the Shinsengumi officer talked to him when they were alone, their voices low, gentle, no ordering around, no yelling… The way that friends _should_ talk to each other - unlike the way their leaders would talk to them for the majority of the time. Or maybe it was the way Yamazaki-san smiled at him, the corner of his eyes crinkling a bit, as he saw the shorter male from across the street. Or maybe it was the way he said Shinpachi’s name with a light tone, and sometimes even with a bit of a chuckle. Or maybe it was the way Yamazaki-san would burst out laughing every time Shinpachi would fall backwards into a nearby stream while playing a game of badminton.

 

Shinpachi’s never felt this way about someone before.

 

Better yet, with a _guy._

 

And it scared him a bit…

 

Sure, he’s dedicated most of his life worshipping every step Otsuu-chan would take, going to every single concert, shouting and cheering with all of his otaku _might_ , and yes, he might have acted a bit crazy after his kiss with Pandemonium-san (he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss her because she was Shinpachi’s first kiss…), but Yamazaki was _different._

 

He’s someone Shinpachi could talk to about… _anything_. Shinpachi would sometimes rant to him about Gintoki’s ridiculous ideas over a cup of green tea, or whine to him about the way Kagura messed up his jaw after having told her to buy more toilet paper. Yamazaki wouldn’t complain, he wouldn’t interrupt him no matter how long the Megane’s rants were and Shinpachi appreciated that very much. He figured he could trust the Shinsengumi officer regardless of what Gin-san thinks. And it’s not like Yamazaki had done anything _wrong_ … If anything, Yamazaki has been nothing but _nice_ to him.

 

Nicer than anyone he’s ever met in his life.

 

One night, after walking home from a stake out that Shinpachi begged to join in on, the Megane found himself blushing like a mad man as he felt the tips of his finger brush against the other male’s hand.

 

“A-Ah! Sorry, sorry…” Shinpachi yelped, quickly retracting his hand back to his side.

 

Yamazaki raised an eyebrow, glancing down at their hands, and chuckled softy.

 

“Shinpachi-kun…” He whispered, shifting closer towards the younger male.

 

Shinpachi gasped as he felt Yamazaki’s fingers intertwine with his own, the palm of his hands beginning to sweat.

 

“Y-Yamazaki-san…”

 

The Shinsengumi officer smiled sweetly at him and swung their arms, hoping to lessen the anxiety from the other boy, and continued to walk down the lonely street.

 

Shinpachi couldn’t help but stare down at the ground as they made their way to… well, he didn’t exactly know where they were heading. He just couldn’t make eye contact with the taller male right now… It was too embarrassing.

 

The only sound Shinpachi could hear was the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears, the sound of their footsteps on the dirty streets of Kabuki-chou, and the way Yamazaki hummed silently as he continued to swing their arms.

 

Before he knew it, Shinpachi found themselves at a park, no rowdy children, no dogs, no dirty and drunk MADAOs…

 

It was just the two of them.

 

“Let’s sit over here,” Yamazaki said, pulling the Megane towards the closest bench.

 

Shinpachi nodded, nearly tripped over his own feet as he was dragged by Yamazaki onto the bench. Once he sat down, the taller male had shifted towards him, placing his hand on top of Shinpachi’s.

 

“Yamazaki-san… What are we doing here…?” Shinpachi whispered, staring down at the spy’s hand.

 

“Shinpachi-kun… Can I tell you something?”

 

“Huh-” The younger male lifted up his face, meeting Yamazaki’s eyes and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

 

“I’d just like to thank you… For spending so much time with me lately.”

 

Shinpachi blinked at him, the flush on his cheeks beginning to darken.

 

“And… I…”

 

Shinpachi dropped his gaze back to their hands as he suddenly felt Yamazaki’s hand tighten around his own.

 

“ _I like you_.”

 

The younger male gasped softly, lifting his head back up, staring at the other’s blushing face.

 

“Yamazaki-san…” Shinpachi breathed.

 

“Please tell me you feel the same way about me and I’m not just getting mixed signals from you…”

 

Shinpachi felt his heart clench and his eyes stinging with tears. He pulled his hand out from under Yamazaki’s (which caused a confused and wide eye look response from the older male), placing both of his hands on the other’s cheek, and closed his eyes, pressing his lips gently against Yamazaki’s.

 

This kiss wasn’t messy, nor was it full of heat and passion, instead it was spontaneous, soft, and sweet, just like how Shinpachi imagined it would be. It was safe to say that this was different than his kiss with Pandemonium-san. Maybe it was because Yamazaki-san wasn’t covered in slime, or maybe it was because he wasn’t a _larvae._ But for some reason… Shinpachi couldn’t stop his heart from fluttering.

 

His eyes flickered once he felt Yamazaki’s arms snake around his waist, pulling him closer, until the space between them was no longer existent. Normally, Shinpachi would never be one to kiss in a public place such as a park – not that he’s even kissed anyone at a public place… - but since they were currently alone, and moonlight shone down on them casting soft shadows on their faces, Shinpachi didn’t mind.

 

 

Not when he was getting embraced by Yamazaki-san…

Not when the one he was kissing was Yamazaki-san…

 

~ ~ ~

 

That same night, at about midnight, the two had snuck into the Shinsengumi headquarters, heading towards Yamazaki’s bedroom. The older male had warned and showed Shinpachi the strict rule officers had to follow when living here which was ironically located on the wall beside Yamazaki’s bedroom. It read, “SEX IS _NOT_ TOLERATED HERE.” And written in small print read, “THERE’S A REASON WHY LOVE HOTELS EXIST.” Shinpachi had laughed out loud, while Yamazaki had quickly slapped his hand over his mouth, trying to shut up him up, which caused the younger male to look apologetically at the other.

 

“Sorry…” The Megane mumbled against the other’s hand.

 

The Shinsengumi officer removed his hand off of Shinpachi’s mouth, and slid the shoji open, stepping inside, dragging the shorter male into his room.

 

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this tonight. I mean, we can wait until everyone else has gone off to a mission, until we’re actually _alone…_ ” Yamazaki trailed off, sliding the shoji shut, slipping his jacket off of his shoulders, and folding it neatly on a table.

 

“Yamazaki-san?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Weren’t you the one that said we need to catch people’s attention, whether in a good way or in a bad way? That we needed some sort of hook?” Shinpachi whispered, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose as he sat down on the floor beside Yamazaki’s futon.

 

“I… I said that?”

 

Shinpachi nodded.

 

_Episode 182_ , Shinpachi wanted to say to him.

 

“What if by doing… _this_ ,” The younger male cleared his throat, playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of his keikogi. “We’ll finally catch people’s attention.”

 

“You mean…”

 

“I want to do it, Yamazaki-san.”

 

Yamazaki stared at Shinpachi for a couple moments, before kneeling down on his futon, gently placing his hand on the other’s arm, and pulled the bespectacled male onto his futon as an attempt to lay him on his back.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Shinpachi yelped and widened his eyes when he suddenly felt himself fall onto his back and onto Yamazaki’s futon.

 

“Y-Yeah…” Shinpachi nodded and bit his lip.

 

“Shinpachi-kun…” Yamazaki leaned down and gently kissed the Straight Man’s forehead. “You’re shaking.”

 

The younger male turned his gaze away from the Shinsengumi officer and stared at the ceiling.

 

“Of course I am. I’ve never done this before…” He whispered, shifting uncomfortably under the other’s gaze.

 

“I haven’t either…” Yamazaki admitted, hoping to lessen the other’s anxiety. “But it’s alright if we don’t do this tonight.”

 

“But…” Shinpachi met the other’s gaze again, taking in a deep breath. “I want to.”

 

“Shinpachi-kun…”

 

“Yamazaki-san. _Please.._.”

 

“Okay... But if it gets too much, just let me know and I’ll stop.”

 

Shinpachi nodded, wrapping his arms around Yamazaki’s neck, and pulled him into a kiss. The kiss started out sweet and gentle, like the kiss they had at the park; however, the kiss soon transitioned into something hot and a bit rough once Yamazaki ran his tongue along Shinpachi’s lip, which caused the younger boy to moan. Yamazaki smirked at the younger male’s moans. Their teeth clashed as Shinpachi widened his mouth, allowing the older male to slip his tongue inside and Yamazaki took this as a sign that the bespectacled male was feeling as much pleasure as he did.

 

Before he knew it, the two were completely naked - even Shinpachi’s glasses were set aside on the left of Yamazaki’s futon. Shinpachi couldn’t help but blush and squirm at this point. The Shinsengumi officer ran his tongue along his nipples, down his abs, until he reached the base of his length. The Megane gasped at the new sensation, pulling his knees up as an attempt to hide himself from the other’s gaze.

 

“Shinpachi-kun, are you okay?”

 

“I’m nervous…”

 

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

Shinpachi bit his lower lip and lowered his knees, shyly welcoming Yamazaki back in between his legs.

 

The younger male would be lying if he said the sex wasn’t painful and messier than he expected. It was uncomfortable and definitely alien, but after the prepping, the comforting words, and getting used to the feel of Yamazaki, Shinpachi let himself loose, and clutched onto the other’s arms, moaning his name a bit louder than he probably should have, and crashed his lips against Yamazaki’s several times.

 

After cleaning themselves off, Yamazaki was surprised to hear that Shinpachi had decided to stay in his room for the night. This would be very risky for the both of them; however, Shinpachi ensured him that they’d be fine just as long as he left before sunrise. The younger male pulled the blanket up to both of their chins, cuddling in close to the other male, and shut his eyes, placing his head on Yamazaki’s chest. He waited until Yamazaki fell asleep, until the sound of his heartbeat came to a steady rhythm.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“So… you’re saying,” Gintoki stuffed his face with a spoonful of chocolate parfait. “Anpan Addict over here topped?”

 

“I’m not addicted…” Yamazaki stated, taking a sip from his soda.

 

The bespectacled male nodded shyly at Gintoki.

 

Gintoki decided to have their, (his and Hijikata’s) confrontation with Shinpachi and Yamazaki at his favourite parfait joint. Hijikata agreed to go with him for once and ordered himself a cup of black coffee and squeezed a generous amount of mayonnaise on top.

 

Gintoki shoved the dark haired male’s shoulder with his elbow causing him to spill some of the mayonnaise onto the table, and cursed loudly at the silver haired samurai.

 

“Bastard!”

 

“I’m trying to _help_ you, Hijikata-kun.”

 

“How exactly are you trying to help me?” Hijikata countered, wiping the mayonnaise off of the table with a napkin.

 

“I’m trying to limit your mayonnaise intake,” He replied in between a mouthful of his frozen treat.

 

“Tch. Says the diabetic-”

 

“ _Oi._ ” Gintoki pointed his spoon defensively at the other male. “I am _not_ a diabetic.”

 

“Not yet…” Hijikata mumbled, taking a sip from his coffee.

 

Gintoki rolled his eyes and glanced over to Shinpachi and Yamazaki. The two youngest males sat a bit uncomfortably in front of their superiors, a couple inches separating their shoulders.  Shinpachi stared down at his reflection in the cup of his green tea, meanwhile Yamazaki nibbled on his anpan. Gintoki wasn’t surprised to see this sight, though. In fact, he expected this to happen especially coming from Patsuan since he literally just confessed the reason for his whereabouts and introduced them to his boyfriend…

 

Gintoki cleared his throat.

 

He still couldn’t believe his ears and his dead fish eyes.

 

“Interesting… Interesting…” Gintoki dropped his spoon into the cup of his parfait and leaned back, stretching his legs out until they brushed against Shinpachi’s legs.

 

Shinpachi jumped a bit, staring back at Gintoki.

 

“What is?” He asked.

 

“Were you planning on ever telling me about Yamazaki?”

 

Shinpachi glanced at his boyfriend before blushing slightly, and staring back down at his drink.

 

“Well yeah… I just…”

 

“’Just’?” Gintoki raised an eyebrow meanwhile Hijikata rolled his eyes, lighting a cigarette.

 

“I didn’t know _when_ and _how_ to tell you.”

 

“You could’ve said, ‘Gin-san, I’m gay.’”

 

Shinpachi nearly choked on his tea.

 

“I-I couldn’t have said it like _that_!”

 

“What do you mean?” Gintoki stared at him, sticking his pinky in his ear.

 

“It’s embarrassing…”

 

“Is it?” The silver haired male teased.

 

“Yes, Gin-san. _It is_.”

 

Gintoki shrugged.

 

“Oi, Yamazaki.”

 

Yamazaki swallowed down a bite of anpan and stared at Hijikata.

 

“Vice-commander?”

 

“What about you?”

 

“What about _me_?”

 

“You probably weren’t gonna tell me about Four Eyes, am I correct?”

 

“Eh, well…” He glanced over at Shinpachi meeting his eyes. “Probably not.”

 

Shinpachi gaped his mouth, looking offended at his response.

 

“Whoa wait!” Yamazaki raised his hands up in defense. “I meant, I wasn’t going to tell them about you because I knew that they would either find out about us, and/or tease me about it…”

 

“Ahn… He’s right…” Hijikata said in a low voice, shrugging his shoulders.

 

“So, what, you guys were planning on being secret lovers? Romeo and Juliet?” Gintoki added, leaning his elbow on the table and cupped his cheek, looking bored.  

 

“Are you implying that _I’m_ Juliet?” Shinpachi flicked Gintoki’s forehead.

 

“Well, you were the _bottom_ -”

 

“ _Shut-up!”_

 

“Geez… Someone’s feisty.” Gintoki placed a hand on his forehead, and flicked his gaze to Yamazaki. “Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with Patsuan?”

 

“Yeah, I am.” Yamazaki replied, intertwining his hand with Shinpachi’s from under the table.

 

“Hm… You don’t seem serious about it.”

 

“I don’t?”

 

“You have to _mean_ it.”

 

“I _do_ mean it.”

 

Hijikata nudged the natural perm head’s arm with his elbow.

 

“He’s my dog, not yours.”

 

“So what am _I_ to _you_ , then?” Gintoki leered at him, mentally crossing his fingers for a response he wanted to hear.

 

“I’m going to the restroom.” The dark hared male ignored him, sliding out of the booth, and heading towards the back of the restaurant.

 

“Asshole…” The silver haired samurai murmured.

 

A couple seconds passed with Gintoki glancing out the window, watching children laughing while holding on to their mother’s hands, and a group of teenaged girls gossiping about their classmates, before he heard a voice calling out his name.

 

“Gin-san.”

 

“Hm?” Gintoki blinked at Shinpachi.

 

“Can I ask for a favour?”

 

“Is there money involved?”

 

“No, but-”

 

“Patsuan, this better be an easy job or else I’m not doing it.”

 

“Gin-san, can you tell Ane-ue about us? Please?” Shinpachi begged, meeting Gintoki’s dead fish eyes.

 

“You mean, tell Otae, your _sister_ , that you’re dating _him_?”

 

The Straight Man nodded in response.

 

Gintoki groaned and ran a hand through his natural perm.

 

If there was a chance to quit his job, he’d do it right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I was having trouble writing this chapter because I didn't know whether or not to write it in Gintoki's POV or Shinpachi's. I asked a couple friends for some ideas and ended up with... this.
> 
> ((I hope it wasn't too confusing to read))
> 
> Also, I watched the Popularity Poll Arc again so... I referenced to that a couple of times (just in case you didn't noticed)
> 
> until next time!


	4. What is love? (Baby don't hurt me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is strictly HijiGin/GinHiji  
> wow  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Gintoki isn’t the type to do favours for just anyone. Clearly, he’d prefer it if he were to be _paid_ a decent amount for sweets and maybe even a couple rounds of Pachinko, but for Shinpachi (and even Kagura)… He could make an exception. He knows that Patsuan doesn’t usually ask for much – in fact, Gintoki is the one who usually asks _him_ for favours – so there really isn’t a reason for him to turn this down. Although, informing Otae about Shinpachi’s relationship with a boring, anpan addicted, Shinsengumi officer who they call “Zaki”…

Gintoki can’t help but worry about how she’ll react to this news.

Will she punch him across the face? Will she kick his jewels? Will she make him commit seppuku for not telling her about her brother’s sexuality sooner?-

Wait a second.

_Commit seppuku…_

Nah… that’s not something Otae would say to him. (If anything, _she’ll_ disembowel Gintoki’s stomach _for him_ with a kitchen knife, regardless of her sweet smile and innocent looks.)

That’s obviously a “Hijikata Trope”.

Speaking of which...

The silver haired male glanced around the table, cocking an eyebrow once he realized that he’s been sitting alone on his side of the booth for more than seven minutes now. Yes, Gintoki had shifted his eyes to the wall clock of the restaurant every once in a while ever since the damn v-shaped banged bastard left the table to head for the restroom. Seven minutes is too long for someone to take a piss. Sure, seven minutes is long enough for someone to take a shit, but Gintoki didn’t want to sit here any longer. He felt like he was third-wheeling these two young’uns. Fool him, they might try… but he’s fully aware of the fact that Shinpachi and Yamazaki have their fingers intertwined and are probably playing footsies from under the table, from the way Patsuan’s cheeks flush and the way Yamazaki laughs and smiles at him.

Gintoki averts his eyes away from the two love birds and stares out the window, heaving a sigh.

Would he be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous about the relationship Shinpachi and Yamazaki have? He _did_ have sex with Hijikata a handful of times now, and Four Eyes and Number 9 just informed him of their impure actions (Gintoki can’t help but shiver at the thought that Shinpachi, one of his partners in crime, was no longer a virgin… no longer the _Straight_ Man of the Yorozuya), so doesn’t that make them even? Shouldn’t he be a happy or at least feel _satisfied_ with his relationship – if he can even call it that – with Hijikata?

The natural perm head shakes his head, scoffing at the thought.

No. Of course it doesn’t.

He could never be satisfied with what he currently has with Hijikata. Sure, the physical pleasure of having sex with him fills his want for the time being. But that’s just it. _Pleasure_. Pleasure is momentary, short, lustful, a quick glimpse of euphoria… Gintoki doesn’t just want that. He wants _happiness_ , something with long-lasting substance, something enduring, perhaps even something _permanent._ It’s stupid to say that if he _does_ end up being in a relationship with Hijikata that they will never butt heads and live happily ever after. The end.

Clearly, their current “relationship” is all about butting heads and calling each other insults on a daily basis.

But that’s just it.

No matter how annoying the Shinsengumi bastard is, or how much of a _tsundere_ he is, or even how many times he calls the natural perm head “a literal pain in my ass” after a couple rounds of sex at his apartment, Gintoki can’t help but admire these things about him. He can’t help but see an image of Hijikata’s face in his mind every time he sees a cigarette between Hasegawa’s lips. He can’t help but think about the way Hijikata swore at him when he would turn up the temperature insanely high in the sauna every time Gintoki felt it was necessary to wind down at a public bathhouse. He can’t help but be reminded of Hijikata’s stubbornness and shaky voice every time Gintoki was forced to go to the dentist to get his cavities taken care of, or even whenever Kagura requested to watch a horror film at night involving ghosts.

It’s very obvious now…

Gintoki is in love with Hijikata.

Not _like_.

But _love._

_In love._

He feels his face heat up at the sudden realization.

Gintoki’s been getting a sense that he’s been feeling this way about the other male for a while now, but it never really occurred to him just how _bad_ and how head over heels he is about the chain smoker. He’s surely never felt this way about anyone before – not even for Ketsuno Ana, which was surprising to say the least.

The other thing that’s been nagging at Gintoki’s brain is the fact that he doesn’t know how Hijikata feels about him. He hated to be left in the blank, not knowing how other people see him, especially Hijikata. Gintoki _needed_ to know. He needed a solid and straight answer coming from Hijikata’s lips himself. Even if he were to say to him that his feelings are not mutual, Gintoki will have at least gotten the chance to hear how Hijikata really feels about him. As heartbreaking and devastating it may be, Gintoki is desperate to hear the other’s answer.

The silver haired male stands up abruptly, surprising the other two males sitting across from, causing them to pull their hands apart.

“Are you going to talk to Ane-ue now, Gin-san?” Shinpachi asks, meeting Gintoki’s dead fish eyes.

“Not now… I gotta take a piss.” Gintoki answers, sliding out of the booth, shifting his gaze away from Shinpachi’s.

And he wasn’t lying. Gintoki _will_ talk to Otae about it, but first he needed to hear some answers from a certain mayonnaise addicted Shinsengumi officer.

Gintoki walks towards the bathroom, his heart beating in his chest as he slowly pushes the door open. He pokes his head through, smelling the familiar scent of cigarette smoke, and glances around the room until his eyes become fixated on a figure with dark hair, sporting a black and gold jacket, leaning against a sink with his legs crossed and eyes closed.

“Vice-commander?” Gintoki calls out, imitating Yamazaki’s voice.

“Oi, Yamazaki. Can’t you see I’m using the restroom.” Hijikata says, his eyes remains closed as he takes a drag from his cigarette.

Gintoki rolls his eyes at that and quietly enter the restroom. He locks the door behind him not wanting anyone to interrupt what is about to be discussed with Hijikata - They could pee in the girl’s washroom if they really had to.

It was at this very moment that Hijikata decides to open his eyes. His steel blue eyes shift over to meet Gintoki’s red ones, and he scoffs, cocking an eyebrow and placing a hand on his hip.

“What are you doing here, Yorozuya?”

“If anything, _I_ should be asking _you_ that, Vice-commander.”

“Don’t call me that…” The dark haired male mumbles, looking away from the other male.

“And why is that?” Gintoki questions, taking a step towards him.

Hijikata doesn’t answer him. Instead he stares straight ahead, shutting his eyes, heaving a sigh. Gintoki wants to touch his shoulder as an attempt to let him know that he could tell him anything. Despite what other people may think of them, the natural perm head is willing to get to know the chain smoker inside, out. But in order to do that, they needed to communicate.

 _Both_ of them.

“Why’d you lock the door?”

Gintoki is taken aback at Hijikata’s sudden question and stops walking. He glances behind him, staring at the doorknob and shrugs his shoulders.

“Why, I can’t have any privacy when I take a piss?” The silver haired male replies, turning to face the other male again.

“You didn’t need to lock the _restroom_ door, idiot.”

“I’m just trying to prevent any pervs from staring at my dick.”

“You’re so…” Hijikata mumbles, trailing off and rolls his eyes. He pushes away from the sink and lifts the cigarette back to his mouth, opening his eyes and walking towards the door. “I’ll leave you to it then – ”

“You…” Gintoki steps aside, blocking the other male from reaching the door. He looks at Hijikata through lowered eyelashes, and lifts a hand to the front of his uniform, gripping tightly on the collar. “Could you stop walking away from me for once and just listen to what I have to say…”

Hijikata’s eyes widen once the other male grips onto his uniform. He has no idea what is going on exacty, other than the fact that he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he could do nothing but meet Gintoki’s dead fish eyes, noticing the way he’s frowning at him, and swallows down a lump in his throat as he listened to the way the other’s voice shook.

Gintoki releases his grip from the other’s uniform, and slowly lowers his arm back to his side, lowering his head and shuts his eyes.

“Hijikata…”

The dark haired male stares at him, not knowing what to do or say. He’s never seen Gintoki act this way before. He’s never seen him so… _weak_? No… Gintoki isn’t weak. In fact, Gintoki is one of the strongest and bravest people Hijikata has ever met in his life. He would even find himself ogling at the way the silver haired samurai would swing his sword so hastily yet so beautifully all at the same time. Gintoki is the epitome of a true, modern day samurai and Hijikata is fully aware of that. He is aware of the way Gintoki’s eyes shone and crinkled at the corners every time he’d watch his two partners in crime team up on a destructive Amanto. He is aware of the way Gintoki would smirk and wink at him after making a snarky remark, regardless of whether they were in the middle of a fight or just walking down the streets of the Kabuki District after having several drinks at the bar, totally unplanned.

But right now…

Hijikata has never seen Gintoki look so _vulnerable_ in his life.

“Oi – ”

“Be honest with me, Hijikata. Don’t give me some bullshit answer.”

Hijikata nods his head slowly, still confused about what Gintoki is about to say to him. He takes a final drag of his cigarette, pulling it out of his mouth, and blows smoke away from Gintoki’s face, fully aware that now isn’t the time to annoy the natural perm head, and tosses the small cylindrical roll into the garbage, just barely missing.

“What… am I to you?” Gintoki asks, his voice barely above a whisper, meanwhile his head is still hanging low.

_What am I to you?_

Hijikata repeats the question in his mind as he suddenly feels his chest clench. He averts his eyes away from Gintoki’s head and stares at their reflection on the mirror: the way Gintoki’s head hangs low, inches away from Hijikata’s chest, and the way Hijikata’s arms remain still and at his side even though they are itching to move to the other’s shoulders, arms, _somewhere_ where he can touch and comfort Gintoki.

Huh…

Somewhere _where he can touch and comfort Gintoki_.

Where did that come from…?

Hijikata shifts his eyes away from the mirror, taking a deep breath in, and stares at the top of Gintoki’s head.

“You’re _you_ ,” The dark haired male answers quietly.

“What the hell does that mean…”

As Gintoki lifts his face up to meet Hijikata’s eyes, questioning his answer, he finds himself completely taken off guard by what happens: Hijikata quickly, yet gently, places his hands on Gintoki’s cheeks, cupping them, and leans down, shutting his eyes, until their lips connect into a kiss. The natural perm head widens his eyes at the other’s actions and places a hand on Hijikata’s chest, shoving him away until they are no longer kissing. This results in a confused look plastered on Hijikata’s face as he slowly drops his arms back to his side, stumbling backwards until his hips bump against the sink.

“You… _bastard._ ” Gintoki breathes, lifting a finger to his tingling lips.

“’Bastard’?” Hijikata stares at him wide eyed. “What the fuck did I do wrong? Isn’t that what you _wanted_?”

“Yes! N-No! I… I don’t know.” The silver haired male stammers, lowering his hand back to his side, and averts his eyes away from Hijikata.

This time Hijikata grits his teeth and stomps towards Gintoki, gripping onto the collar of his shirt, and pulls him forward until their faces are mere inches apart.

“Then why the hell would you ask me that fucking question?”

 “I need to know something…” He replies, finding it hard to breathe and to look away from the other’s steel blue eyes.

“Know what, exactly?” Hijikata questions, gripping tighter on the fabric of the other’s shirt, and his heart beating louder in his ears. He didn’t mean to act this rough against Gintoki. This was just the way he normally acts around other people, and to be honest, he didn’t know how else to react.

“How you feel about me.”

“How… I feel about you…”

“I need to know, Hijikata. I’m tired of not knowing because I…” Gintoki trails off, shutting his eyes slowly, heaving a sigh.

“Because you what?” Hijikata cocks an eyebrow at him.

“I… love – ”

The sound of the doorknob twisting and knuckles rapping against the restroom door interrupted Gintoki.

“Ugh! I can’t hold it in anymore! I need to _go_! I’ve been on stand-by all day.”

“Eh.. Katsura-san. The door’s lock…”

“EH!? I-I CAN’T SHINPACHI-KUN! I’M GOING TO SOIL MY PANTS IF I DON’T GO NOW!”

“Well you can’t unlock the door –”

“ELIZABETH! HAND ME A BOMB!”

“KATSURA-SAN, WAIT! GIN-SAN AND HIJIKATA-SAN –”

_Beep. Beep. Beep. BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep._

Gintoki and Hijikata stare at each other before slowly turning their heads to face the door, awaiting their upcoming deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tsk tsk  
> #ripginhiji  
> this is what they get for having a serious convo about their "relationship" in the restroom


	5. Truth or dare, boyfriends, and 300 yen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a shorter (maybe a tad more boring) chapter than usual whOOPS  
> maybe it's bc I rushed it....  
> ( /)w(\✿)

A flash of bright light, a loud bang, and then a dark shadow with a pair of hands shoving him onto the filthy floors of the restaurant's restroom. That was all Gintoki could remember before he found himself surrounded by the pungent smell of piss, shit, and perhaps even _vomit_ , debris, gunpowder, smoke-

 _Cigarette_ smoke.

A very familiar and slightly satisfying scent that tickled Gintoki's nose.

 _Literally_ tickled his nose.

He slowly opens one eye, and takes note of the weight lying on his chest. He lifts his head up, bending his neck slightly to get a better look at just what, or in this case _who_ , was face-first against his chest. As he does this, dark hair brushes against Gintoki's face, causing him to scrunch his nose and shift his head to the side as an attempt to prevent himself from sneezing on the top of this person's head. Not only was he on the verge of sneezing but he could feel a sort of _hardness_ against his thigh.

Gintoki blinks.

Huh...

Gintoki decides to shift his leg a bit, feeling the unknown hardness against the front of his thigh, through the fabric of his tight, black, pants.

What is this…?

His dead fish eyes blink another time before lowering them until they stare directly at the top of the other person's now debris ridden hair.

"Oi," Gintoki wheezes, slipping his hands in between his chest and the other person's head. "I'm not a girl so get your face off of my chest and your erection off of my thigh-"

The body on top of Gintoki’s body spasms a bit as it coughs against his chest which causes him to stare at the body's head in disgust for a brief second, and then quickly changing his expression after the coughing turned into a full out hacking fit.

"Are… you okay- UGH!”

Suddenly a fist slams against Gintoki's jaw, causing his head to fall back against the floor tiles, nearly cracking it open.

"You asshole... That's not my dick against your thigh, it's my _sword_ ,” Hijikata answers, lifting his head up to meet Gintoki’s eyes and slowly lifting his head off of the natural perm head’s chest.

Gintoki curses under his breath as he brings a hand to the back of his head, ruffling his silver hair. If it wasn’t for his natural perm, then he would’ve actually split his head wide open. It seems there are some advantages to having his hair. And _this_ just proved it.

“Dick, sword, same thing…” Gintoki mumbles to himself, lifting himself up to a crouching position.

Hijikata scoffs and rolls his eyes at that.

As the two of them slowly and carefully lift themselves up until they are fully standing, – or more like, _barely_ standing since they are using the wall as their support – Gintoki blinks a couple times before glancing around the restroom. Or at least, what used to be the restroom of his favourite restaurant. He sees rubble, more rubble, a couple urinals with several chips on the side, mirrors with spider web like cracks, a door handle lying amidst the pile of ashes, a puddle of yellow liquid beside the door handle, Zura, a cigarette butt, water spewing out of the pipe underneath the sink –

Wait, what?

Gintoki glances over to the familiar figure wearing the blue kimono with a yellow sash, and long, black, and feminine like hair. He squints his eyes.

“Zu…ra…?”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura.” The male with the long locks meets Gintoki’s eyes, suddenly realizing who he’s talking to, and widens his eyes. “E-Eh, oh! Gintoki, what are you doing here?” He asks, chuckling nervously as he begins to back out of the restroom, nearly bumping into his Amanto sidekick.

“ _I_ should be asking _you_ that, idiot – ”

“What, are you going to say the same thing to him as you did with me?” Hijikata asks, leaning his foot back against the wall, interrupting the silver haired male. “Because you started off with the same line with me… Well, after you mimicked Yamazaki’s voice…”

“Eh? He did?” Yamazaki pokes his head from behind Elizabeth’s shoulder, raising an eyebrow at the other Shinsengumi officer, meanwhile Shinpachi gently lays a hand on his shoulder and whispers something in his ear.

Gintoki has a flashback of what just happened between him and the chain smoker only minutes before the explosion: locking the door of the restroom, gripping on the collar of Hijikata’s jacket, the kiss, nearly confessing his feelings to him –

Yeah, no.

There’s no way in hell he’d confess to Zura. In fact, he’s never had any feelings towards the idiot.

Although, there was that _one_ time where they kissed for what seemed like half a second when they were mere teenagers (around the same age as Shinpachi) and Gintoki was forced to plant one on him during a game of truth or dare with Takasugi and Sakamoto.  Zura didn’t seem to mind at the time, in fact he was more than willing for a little smooching; whereas, _young_ Gintoki was still very unsure about his sexual preferences, although he was not the type to reject a dare, so he went for it, squeezing his eyes as tight as possible and even held his breath.

And that was the end of that.

He never once thought about asking Zura out on a date nor did he ever kiss him again. It was because of that short round of truth or dare that Gintoki realized that, hey, maybe kissing guys aren’t so bad after all.

In other words: Just because Gintoki kissed the damn idiotic Joui leader once, does not mean he has any feelings towards him. The way he feels towards Zura (annoyance, annoyance, annoyance and at very rare occasions like whenever they’re teaming up during a fight, relief) is totally and utterly different from the way he feels towards the damn Shinsengumi vice commander.

It’s true that Hijikata annoys him at times – okay, _most_ times - but the annoyance he feels towards him is different. That fact that they spit insults at each other on the daily basis means that they spend time together on a daily basis and Gintoki enjoys those moments, despite what everybody else thinks.

Now that he thinks about it… Does every male at around Shinpachi’s age go through a phase of sitting around amongst a group of friends, playing truth or dare, and is forced to kiss someone of the same sex? Or is Gintoki just imagining this whole thing… But then again, looking at the two youngest boys in the room whispering sweet _somethings_ to each other whilst standing side by side behind Eliabeth, couldn’t help but make Gintoki feel a bit weirded out by it.

Hm… Maybe “weirded out by it” isn’t the right phrase, but seeing the Straight Four-Eyed Man of the Yorozuya with heart eyes and a blushing face was so very out of the ordinary.

In other news, Gintoki did make a bet with Hijikata (for 300 yen, obviously) one time after a round of sex at his apartment that Kagura would find herself a boyfriend _before_ Shinpachi could find himself a girlfriend (that is neither a neko girl or a larvae). Hijikata took him on that bet, after arguing with the natural perm head and nudging his side a couple times as an attempt to convince him to switch sides with him since he knew that Gintoki was going to win and “you bastard, you just want to be 300 yen richer”. True, Gintoki did want the money (when _doesn’t_ he want money, anyway?), but looking at the situation at hand:

Hijikata won the bet.

Well, kinda.

Shinpachi _is_ in a relationship _before_ Kagura. (She doesn’t have a boyfriend, right? Eh, he’ll ask her about it some other time. A couple years from now… She’s too young to be in a relationship.)

He isn’t dating a girl, but rather a _boy_. A _male_. A Shinsengumi officer, too.

Gintoki’ll just wait for the chain smoker to realize that he’s won the bet. He doesn’t want to remind him, to be honest, since he doesn’t want to lose any of his money.

If anything, he’ll just give him 150 yen since the v-shaped bangs bastard only got it half right.

That’s only fair, right? Right.

Gintoki runs a hand through his natural perm, feeling debris sticking onto his fingers. Tch, he needed to wash his hair as soon as he got out of here.

 “What- No. For your information, I just wanted to know why he’s here and the reason for blowing up this restroom.” He replies, meeting Hijikata’s eyes.

“Hm…” The Shinsengumi officer digs for something in his pocket, most likely a cigarette, but comes out empty handed and groans. “I should arrest you right now.”

“Who, me?” Gintoki asks, sticking his pinky up his nose, looking bored.

“Not _you_ , idiot.” Hijikata rolls his eyes, and points at Katsura. “ _Him_.”

“Ahem…”  Zura clears his throat, ruffling his hair until it falls over, covering his face like a curtain. He changes the sound of his voice a couple pitches higher and stands by Elizabeth’s side. “I-I’m just an innocent bystander – ”

“What kind of ‘innocent bystander’ carries a bomb with them to a restaurant – ” Shinpachi mumbles under his breath, nudging his boyfriend’s side.

Katsura widens his eyes and slaps a hand over Shinpachi’s mouth, leaning down to his ear.

“Shinpachi-kun..!” He whispers loudly, glancing briefly at the shorter Shinsengumi officer. “I thought you were on _my_ side? A-Are you dating him? One of… _them_?”

“Katsura-san,” Shinpachi starts, lifting a hand up to remove Katsura’s hand off of his mouth and shoulders the other male until he was no longer whispering against his ear. “I _am_ on your side. Most of the time, at least.”

“’Most of the time’?” The long haired male repeats, lowering his hand back to his side, and raises an eyebrow at the younger male.

Shinpachi nods and shifts closer to Yamazaki.

“And yes, I _am_ dating him.” The bespectacled male’s cheeks flush as he intertwines his fingers with the anpan addict. “He’s my… boyfriend.”

“Oi, Yorozura.”

“Hm?” Gintoki pulls his finger out of his nose, and flicks his fingers away from the other male. “What is it?”

“Pay up.” The dark haired male extends out his hand.

Ah, dammit.

“But, Hijikata-kun… I thought you wanted to switch sides? Doesn’t that mean I get the 300 yen – ”

“Oh don’t fucking start with me. Pay up, bastard.”

Gintoki sighs, admitting defeat.

“Fine, fine…” He slips his hand into the sleeve of his yukata, pulling out a couple bills, and hands them over to Hijikata. He leans over, until his lips graze over the other’s ears and whispers. “There. You owe me a good _fucking_ , mkay?”

A shiver runs down Hijikata’s spine as he feels the silver haired samurai’s voice vibrates against his ear. He’d be lying if he said his legs didn’t feel like jelly right now.

Damn the things this natural perm head can do to him.

He grabs the money from the parfait addict’s hand before shoving the other’s chest with his free hand.

“I can’t believe you…”

Gintoki chuckles softly, scratching the back of his head as he stares at the Shinsengumi officer.

_He looks fucking adorable right now. That asshole…_

“ _I_ don’t mind that you’re dating him, Shinpachi-kun.” Katsura clarifies, tilting his head to the side as he stares down at their intertwined hands. “If anything, I’m all for it; however, I’m not so sure if _she_ feels the same way…”

“Huh?”

Shinpachi’s and Yamazaki’s eyes (heck, _everyone’s_ eyes), follows Katsura’s finger pointing toward the front of the restaurant until they land on a girl holding a bag of groceries wearing a pink kimono and her brown hair tied up in a ponytail.

“Shin-chan…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Otae is here ahhhhhhhhh idk why im taking so long


	6. Judgement Day at the Shimura Household: Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo sorry for not updating for a while. I've been on vacation....  
> anyways, I heard that Yamazaki is actually 32 years old....? Double Shinpachi's age? *o*  
> okay listen, I think we all thought that precious Zaki is around his early 20s (at least I did...) so finding out his age literally has put me in denial ever since omg. But anyways, what I'm trying to say here is, LET'S JUST PRETEND YAMAZAKI ISN'T 32 YEARS OLD/DOUBLE SHINPACHI'S AGE, OKAY? Okay, cool.  
> I hope we're on good terms now.
> 
> ONTO THE CHAPTER~

Gintoki was as surprised to see Shinpachi's older sister at the restaurant like everyone else. They found her standing at the threshold of the entrance with a mixed look on her face. The silver haired samurai couldn't pinpoint exactly what that look was or how she was feeling, but Gintoki was damn sure she noticed the way her younger brother stood extremely close next to another _male_ \- better yet, a man sporting a _Shinsengumi_ uniform.

Shinpachi's face paled, Gintoki noted, and slightly moved away from the taller boy, meanwhile everyone else in the room seemed to have taken the hint (okay, well maybe not Zura and his alien duck... but whatever), and cleared their throats, - including Gintoki - slowly heading towards the emergency exit located at the back of the restaurant. But before the natural perm head could make his escape, he felt a small and soft (huh...) hand wrap around his forearm which caused him to curse mentally and heaved a sigh until finally he turned his head to meet this other person's eyes.

What he didn't expect to see was the hopeful, round, puppy dog eyes from a certain Four Eyed no-longer-a-virgin, sixteen year old.

"Gin-san... You promised me." The younger boy whispered.

And this was how they ended up where they are now: inside the Shimura home, sitting quietly and awkwardly around a table. Otae sat across Shinpachi (who was blushing furiously as he sipped his tea), who sat beside his boyfriend (who curiously glanced around the room), who was diagonal from Hijikata (who looked annoyed as he crossed his arms across his chest), and who was across from the natural perm head who just so happens to be sweating profusely and clearing his throat every couple of seconds.

Gintoki decided to drag Hijikata along with him because even though the nicotine addict clearly said " _this_ right here is not my problem. I did _not_ make any promises", the silver haired "asshole" opted for ignoring whatever the v-shaped banged police officer had said to him, and forced him to come anyway because Gintoki sure as well was not going to face Otae's wrath alone.

 _If_ she will go berserk on him.

He hopes she doesn't...

The silence and tension in the room was quickly interrupted by the sound of feet padding across the wooden floors of the dojo, the sliding of the shoji, and a familiar bratty voice.

"Anego! I didn't finish your _Bäagen-Dazs_. It was this guy. I found him under the floor boards on the way to the kitchen." Kagura states, a look of annoyance on her face as she dragged a figure into the room.

Everyone lifts their heads to face the short girl and whoever she had clenched in her hands.

Otae sighs, nodding her head slowly as her hand wrapped around a cup of green tea.

“Kondo-san?” Hijikata widened his eyes, and stood up, walking towards the Gorilla stalker.

“OTAE!” Kondo calls out, shrugging off Hijikata’s hand, and running towards the brunette. “I DID _NOT_ EAT YOUR _BÄAGEN-DAZS!_ I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU – ”

“Tch, _please_.” Kagura rolls her eyes as she leans against the door frame. “I saw your gorilla butt sticking out of the fridge – ”

“Says the girl who has ice cream on her cheek,” Gintoki murmurs to himself with a smug look on his face.

“E-Eh?” Kagura lifts a hand up to her face, brushing it across her cheek. She glances down at her hand and sees the vanilla ice cream melting on her fingertips. Her face flushes as she rubs her hand clean on her shirt. “What are you talking about? What ice cream…”

Gintoki rolls his eyes.

“Wait… What are you guys doing here?” The Yato places a hand on her hip, raising her eyebrow. “Didn’t I tell you guys that I never wanted to see you again?”

“She said that?” Yamazaki blinked, whispering to his boyfriend’s ear.

“Yeah…” Shinpachi sighs, nodding his head. “But Kagura-chan, if I remember correctly, you told us that we could never step foot in Gin-san’s place again – ”

“Which doesn’t make sense to me since it’s _my_ home, but whatever. Brats will be brats.” Gintoki shrugs, leaning his elbow on the table and places his chin on his hand.

Kagura scoffed and bolted towards the silver haired samurai, clenching the collar of his shirt.

Gintoki, taken completely off guard, widened his eyes as he leaned forward at the girl’s iron grip, the collar of his shirt surely leaving a bruise along the back of his neck. He doesn’t think he could ever get used to Kagura’s strength…

“BECAUSE _YOU_ DIDN’T HAVE FOOD IN THE HOUSE! AND YOU!” She pointed at Shinpachi, who lifted his arms up in defense as he leaned against Yamazaki’s chest. “YOU DIDN’T BRING FOOD HOME! WHO DOES THAT?! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I’M A GROWING GIRL?!”

The Megane swallows a lump in his throat and pushes his glasses further up his nose.

“Do I _need_ to bring food every time I see you?”

“YES, YOU STUPID FOUR EYES! ME _AND_ SADAHARU!”

“Sadaharu? Are you kidding me? He eats Gin-san and I every day! He doesn’t need me to bring food – ”

“UGH! ANEGO!” Kagura walks over to Otae and clings onto the sleeve of her pink yukata. “Your brother’s being a selfish – ”

Kondo stands up with a bit of a limp (Gintoki didn’t realize until now how the Gorilla has a black eye and a bruise on his face that he probably got from the Yato girl. She does have a nice swing that he’s experienced himself a couple of times…) , and crawls towards the shorter girl, wrenching her hand away a little rougher than necessary from Otae’s yukata.

“Let go of Otae you savage thirteen year old!”

“I’m _fourteen_ , you disgusting Gorilla stalker!” Kagura grits her teeth and lashes out on Kondo by punching him in the gut. This causes the Shinsengumi officer to grunt as he falls backwards, hitting the back of his head against the table, and passes out.

“Kondo-san!” Hijikata places his hand on the other male’s cheeks and checks his pulse with his fingers. He heaves a sigh of relief once he feels a pulse, and looks around the room. He carefully pulls Kondo away from the only two females in the room and sets him at the corner of the room by a bookshelf. Hijikata sits back down in his spot across from Gintoki, sitting cross legged on the ground and pulls out his pack of cigarettes.

Yamazaki glances over at the cigarette placed comfortably between Hijikata’s fingers and clears his throat shyly.

“Vice Commander..?”

“Kondo’ll be fine, Yamazaki.” Hijikata answers, trying to ensure him, and pulls out his lighter from his pocket.

“No, it’s not that.”

The taller male places his cigarette between his lips and raises an eyebrow at his subordinate.

“Then, what?”

“Um… Maybe you should ask if you’re allowed to smoke in their home? I mean, that is common courtesy.”

The other Shinsengumi officer lowers his eyes, glancing down at the lighter in his hand, as listens to Yamazaki’s words. After a couple of seconds, he sets the lighter down on the table in front of him and slowly, (painfully slowly) pulls the cigarette out of his mouth, setting it beside his mayonnaise shaped lighter. He then lifts his face up to meet the pony tailed brunette’s face, bowing his head slightly.

“I apologize, Otae-san.”

Gintoki couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. He almost wanted to pinch Hijikata’s cheeks and give him a treat or something like a dog (heh… Hijikata _is_ his dog. In the bedroom at least.) because he knew just how difficult this was for him. He hadn’t been able to smoke for like half an hour, which is equivalent to “three months” according to the other’s words, since they’ve left the restaurant. Oh well, Gintoki will just give him a “treat” once this whole shit storm is over.

“It’s alright, Hijikata-san.” Otae finally lifted her head up from her tea, and gave a sweet smile towards the Shinsengumi officer.

Hm…

Gintoki knows that “smile”…

“Uh… Hijikata-san,” Shinpachi says, picking up the cigarette and mayonnaise lighter off of the table. “If you want, you can smoke outside?”

Hijikata eyed the contents in the Four Eyes’ hands, then quickly glanced up at his face, nodding his head, slowly getting the hint.

“Yeah, okay.” He slowly stands himself up, taking the lighter and cigarette from the other’s hand. “I’ll be right back – ”

“Like hell you are! You’re staying here - ” Gintoki’s eyes widen as he reaches across the table, grabbing onto the hem of Hijikata’s jacket.

Hijikata looks back, glaring at the natural perm head, and rolls his eyes, shrugging his shoulders as an attempt to shake off the other male.

“What, are you a child or something? Do you need your hand to be held at all times?”

“No! But I’m not – ”

“Shin-chan…”

Their argument came to a halt as soon as they heard a soft voice.

Looks like the time has finally come: Judgement Day at the Shimura Household.

Shinpachi looks up from his cup of green tea, biting his lower lip as he looks up at Yamazaki (who gave him a soft and encouraging smile), then at Gintoki (who was still grabbing onto Hijikata’s jacket, but nodded his head at him nonetheless), and then finally meeting his sister’s warm, brown eyes.

“Yes, Aneue?”

“Is there something you would like to tell me? Something you’ve been hiding…”

“O-Oh… Uh… I have been wanting to tell you something…”

Otae frowns at that, setting her cup on the table as she slightly cocks her head to side, waiting for her brother to continue. Her eyes glance over at Gintoki for a brief second, wondering if he knew about whatever Shinpachi is going to tell her.

The silver haired samurai could feel her eyes piercing through his skin and so he tried his best to avoid looking back at her, just in case she asks him any questions and he doesn’t really feel like interfering with this brother-sister thing going on right now.

Or in other words, he really doesn’t want to get a black eye right now, not ever.

“I’m… dating someone.”

Her eyes widen at that, not quite believing her ears.

“Really? That’s great to hear, Shin-chan.”

“And… _he’s_ neither a video game character nor a teenaged pop sensation. Someone real and down to earth…”

Otae recalls the time Shinpachi claimed he had a “girlfriend” named Anigasaki Momo, who turned out to be not even human, but just a character in a dating sim game called _Love Choriss._ That was a special time for Shinpachi… For the both of them, really.

“He sounds nice. I’m glad you found someone.”

Suddenly, Shinpachi feels a warm and familiar hand intertwine with his own from under the table, similar to the time when he confessed his relationship to Gintoki and Hijikata at the restaurant, only moments ago. His face heats up as the grip around his hand tightens and the encouraging look on Yamazaki’s face – his _boyfriend’s_ face – softens before lifting both of their hands above the table, exposing their intertwined fingers.

“Aneue… This is Yamazaki-san. He’s my… _boyfriend_ – ”

All of a sudden, Kagura gasps loudly and claps her hands together, jumping up to a standing position, as she continues to hold onto the sleeve of Otae’s yukata tightly.

“I KNEW IT! I JUST _KNEW_ IT!!”

All the males in the room, except for Kondo who is still passed out on the floor, blink at the overly excited Yato, completely taken aback by her reaction.

Gintoki is the first to speak.

“Oi, Kagura. What do you mean by ‘I knew it’?”

“You see, Gin-san… I knew about their relationship all along. From the very _beginning,_ uh-huh.”

“Huh?!” Shinpachi and Yamazaki widen their eyes before looking at each other and then gaping their mouth at the youngest girl.

“Mhm. You guys think you can hide these kinds of things from me? Well, you can’t. I’m not just a pretty face, y’know.” She adds, looking smug.

“You seriously need to watch and control this girl,” Hijikata murmurs against Gintoki’s ear after he sat back down on the ground.

“She’s not my _child_ , Hijikata-kun. If anything, she’s been controlling Patsuan and I lately...” Gintoki clarifies, rolling his eyes at the other male.

“Whatever, Yorozuya. I just don’t understand where else she could get this attitude. I know you cuss in front of her.”

“I do _not_ cuss in front of her! I only cuss in front of Shinpachi…” The natural perm head clears his throat, once he realized he raised his voice. “Again, I’m not her dad. I’m just her guardian.”

“You’re old enough to be a dad…” Hijikata mumbles to himself, unsure if he wants the natural perm head to hear what he said.

“Take that back, asshole! I’m still young! It’s not my fault my voluminous and luscious hair is silver!!” He shoves the Shinsengumi officer’s shoulders, causing him to pin down the other male on his back. As Hijikata struggles beneath Gintoki’s grip, the natural perm head thinks back to what the nicotine addict had just said, and raises his eyebrows, a smirk forming on his lips as he leans down to Hijikata’s ear and whispers. “Unless… You want me to be your _sugar daddy_ , hm?”

“W-What the fuck?! Get off me, bastard!”

Gintoki lets out a chuckle as he watches Hijikata’s look of distress (his steel blue eyes widening and the disgusted look on his face was absolutely _priceless_ ) and slowly rolls off of his body.

“You guys confuse me.”

“Huh?” Hijikata uses his elbows to sit up, grunting slightly in the process. He eyes Kagura as he runs a hand through his fringe. “What are you talking about? You’re pretty unpredictable yourself – ”

“Thank you, I know I’m pretty, uh-huh.” Kagura says, walking over to Hijikata.

He blinks at her.

“I didn’t say – ”

“You said ‘You’re pretty’, am I correct?”

“I said, ‘You’re pretty unpredictable’ – ”

“Ah-ah-ah. I heard ‘You’re pretty’ so that’s all that matters.”

“Yorozuya…” Hijikata groans.

Gintoki almost laughs out loud for a second time that night as he watches Hijikata’s frustrated expression.

“Okay, okay…” Gintoki decides to step in between the two and crosses his arms between his chest as he stares down at the girl.

Kagura furrows her eyebrows as she meets the sugar addict’s eyes. After their spontaneous staring contest (in which she remains victorious), she heaves a sigh and slumps her shoulders.

“I don’t get it…”

“Get what?” Gintoki asks, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

“Why you guys have to hide things from me and Anego.”

_What…._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I ever mention just how much I love Kagura? (▰˘◡˘▰)


	7. Judgement Day at the Shimura Household: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I struggled so much with writing this chapter??  
> I had to rewrite this like two or three times...  
> (if you follow me on tumblr then you'd understand my struggle lol)

“Well we had too.” Gintoki states, casually sticking his pinky up his nose. He is well aware of Hijikata’s gaze on him and his disgusted face. “Anyway, you’re too young to know about this – ”

Kagura scoffs at that and quickly lifts her hand up to Gintoki’s shirt, grabbing onto the fabric until their faces are only several inches apart, their noses nearly touching.

“ _Tch_. I may be younger than you and shorter than you, but I’m ten times stronger than you and your chain smoker boyfriend _combined._ ”

Hijikata gapes at the little girl before biting down on his tongue as an attempt to prevent himself from cussing at her.

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend! – ”

“I wouldn’t say combined…” Gintoki mumbles to himself, looking aside as he continues to dig his finger up his nose. “Probably just stronger than Hijikata-kun…”

The dark haired male punches Gintoki’s arm hard enough for the Yato to release her hold on him – although that wasn’t his _initial_ plan – which then caused the silver haired bastard to fall flat on his face, his nose gushing out blood because of the way his pinky finger dug deeper in his nose than what was necessary from the fall.

Gintoki cursed loudly as he tries to sit himself back up. He lifts a hand up to his face, wiping the blood off with the sleeve of his yukata and then turns his head to face Hijikata, glaring at him like a mad man.

“What the _fuck_ \- I mean…” The natural perm head clears his throat as he glances over at Kagura. “What the _hell_ was that for, Mayora?”

“You didn’t even deny what she said, bastard…” He replies, voice low, as he looks away from Gintoki’s gaze.

“What, that she’s stronger than the both of us, or…?”

“Or.”

“ _Or_?” Gintoki asks, scratching the back of his head.

Hijikata rolls his eyes and mimics Kagura’s movements from before: he leans over and frustratingly pulls on Gintoki’s yukata until they are face-to-face. About two seconds after doing this, he notices the way the other’s lips lift up into a smirk and the way he raises an eyebrow in a seductive manner. Hijikata’s cheeks flush almost immediately at that and then he loosens his grip on Gintoki’s yukata, glancing away from him.

“I’m… _not_ your boyfriend…” He whispers, more to himself than to Gintoki, as he holds his breath.

“I know…”

Hijikata glances up, meeting Gintoki’s dead fish eyes, not quite believing what the other male had said.

“What…”

“We’re not dating. I get it, Hijikata-kun. We just fuck around. It’s whatever…” Gintoki clarifies, shrugging his shoulders.

“’Fuck around’, huh?”

Both the sugar addict and the nicotine addict blink at each other before turning their heads, in search of whoever’s voice that came from. Their eyes glance around the room, landing on each person’s face: it was certainly a male’s voice, which means whoever said it was neither She-Hulk (Otae) nor Tiny She-Hulk (Kagura). This leaves the other three males in the room. It could not have been the dirty gorilla stalker since he is still knocked out by the bookshelves – may he rest in _pieces_. It could not have been Yamazaki or Shinpachi since those two _never_ curse. Also, they are cuddling right in front of everyone else, totally not realizing that they’re not the only ones in the room right now. Gintoki thinks of their show pretty damn adorable and perhaps he’s a bit jealous, but as he turns his gaze to Hijikata, he notices that he, too, is also staring at the younger couple. Gintoki does not quite understand what the police officer is thinking about their public display of affection. He’d have to ask him about it later or something…

This leaves one person left.

The person standing at the door with sandy brown hair, standing at five foot seven, a sadistic smirk on his face…

“Sougo…?! How the fuck did you get here, bastard?” Hijikata shares a quick glance at Gintoki before standing up, and walking towards the shorter male.

Sougo leans away from the door, brushing dust off his pants as he walks smugly past the demon vice commander, and towards the table in the middle of the room.

“For your information, Hijikata-san. I came here for Kondo-san _not_ you. But since I just heard some pretty juicy information just now…” Sougo sits down cross-legged in between the two young lovers and the only two females in the room, looking up at his superior smugly as he leans  his elbow against the table and rests his chin on his hand. “Go on, Hijikata-san – ”

Suddenly, Kagura kicks Sougo’s back with her foot before jumping on him and pushing him onto the ground none too gingerly which of course didn’t really surprise anyone since the way the Yato has been behaving lately…

Anyone could have seen that coming.

Let’s be real.

“WHO SAID YOU COULD BE A PART OF THIS?!”

“Get off me, China…” The sadist replies, the annoyance in his voice strong as ever whenever it comes to talking to the vermilion haired girl..

“Why don’t you get _out_ , huh?!”

“I think _you_ are the one who should leave. You have no business listening to adult conversations – ”

“SHUT UP, YOU SADIST!” She screamed, punching Sougo in the gut. “No one even asked you to come!”

“Point, Yorozuya.” Gintoki mumbles to himself, although he could hear Shinpachi and Hijikata groan in unison. “What…?”

“Tch,” Sougo pushes Kagura off of his chest, causing her to stumble backwards, as he shifts himself back into a cross-legged position. “You are such a brat. I hope you realize that…”

“Well, you’re such a – ”

“Shin-chan? Gin-san?”

Gintoki raises his eyebrows as he heard his name being called, and averts his gaze from the two arguing youngsters until his dead fish eyes land on Otae’s warm eyes. From the corner of his vision, he could see Shinpachi doing the same, glancing back at Yamazaki before turning to meet his sister’s face.

“Yes?” The sixteen year old boy says with a bit of a worried look on his face.

Otae takes a long sip of her tea before placing it down on the table and running her fingers through her fringe as she switches back and forth between meeting her brother’s and Gintoki’s eyes.

“Can I talk to the both of you? Alone…”

The silver haired samurai could barely hear her not only because her voice was softer than usual but because he could hear Kagura and Sougo yelling at each other (well, it was mostly Kagura’s screaming) and the sound of thuds and “ _you’re fucking crazy, China_ ” in the background.

Gintoki is surprised that the dumb gorilla hasn’t woken up because of them…

“Yeah, of course.” Shinpachi nods his head before standing up and nudging the back of Gintoki’s head with his hand as an attempt for him to follow his lead. He quickly glances back at Yamazaki. “We’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Yamazaki nods his head, smiling at him sweetly.

Gintoki tries to do the same with Hijikata, although, like in everything he does, he does his own take: he stands up, and walks towards the door; however, before he walks past the threshold, he turns his head, looking back at the v-shaped banged officer, and blows a kiss at him, winking at him.

“Don’t miss me too much, babe~” He says, lifting a finger up to his lips before biting down on it in the most seductive way possible.

Hijikata rolls his eyes and makes a repulsive face before picking up the cup of tea on the table, but before he could whip it at the sugar addict, he feels a hand pulling on his arm and a voice telling him to refrain from doing so since that will not be a polite thing to do in a friend’s home and once he glances back at the door, Gintoki had already disappeared.

Gintoki chuckles as Shinpachi pulls on the sleeve of his yukata, leading him down the hallway. He’s walked through this hallway countless of times; however, the eeriness and what could possibly be tension surrounds both of the males as they continue to walk down the empty hallway. Otae, Gintoki notices as he heard the shoji sliding open, had already entered  Shinpachi’s room which left them as the only two people in the hallway.

Shinpachi stops walking and releases his hold on the elder male’s yukata, and turns around to punch Gintoki’s side, completely taking the older male off guard.

“ _Ouch_.” Gintoki groans, rubbing his hand gingerly on his injured side. “What the hell was that for?”

“Can you be serious for once?”

The natural perm head cocks his head to the side, not quite understanding what the younger boy is saying.

“Gin-san…” Shinpachi starts, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I really wish she hadn’t asked you to come…”

“What do you mean?”  Gintoki blinks at him.

“We’re going into ‘brother-sister conversation’ territory.” Shinpachi clarifies, meeting his eyes.

“And…?” He asks, still not quite understanding where this is going.

“ _And_ ,” The shorter male clears his throat, averting his gaze to the ground. “This means she’ll want to talk about relationships and… perhaps even sexual intercourse…”

_Oh…_

“No, I _know_ for sure she’s going to give me that talk….” Shinpachi mumbles.

“Ahh…” The natural perm heads nods his head as he leans against the wall, bending his knee up and presses the back of his foot against the wall as well. “So, what you’re saying is that you’re worried I’ll embarrass you or make fun of you in front of your sister?”

Shinpachi nods sheepishly.

Gintoki lets out a quiet chuckle before placing his hand on top of the shorter boy’s head and ruffling his hair.

“Oh, Shinpachi-kun. Have you lost your trust in me?”

“Huh?- Stop that Gin-san.” He says, waving his hand up in the air as an attempt to stop the other male’s ministrations. “Of course not…”

“Then why is it that you don’t want me to come with you? I thought you wanted me to be your support system if this ever happened?

 “Well yeah, but – ”

“Then that settles it.” Gintoki spins Shinpachi around and begins to push his back towards his bedroom.

“G-Gin-san!! Wait – ” The younger boy’s eyes widen in a panic and digs his heels into the ground as an attempt to slow them down.

However, Shinpachi’s attempt didn’t seem to work as they both found themselves quickly passing through the threshold of his bedroom. The sound of the shoji slamming shut made the younger boy jump, nearly toppling over and landing on his collection of Otsuu’s CDs.

“A-Ah! Sorry, Anueue…” Shinpachi feels his cheeks heat up as he quickly repositions the pile of CDs, pushing them to one corner of his room, and then turning around to nudge Gintoki’s uninjured side with his elbow none too lightly.

“Stop doing that, dammit!” Gintoki winces as he glares at the younger male.

“I could’ve broken my entire collection of CDs autographed and personalized by Otsuu, Gin-san!”

“You could buy more if you really wanted too, geez – ”

“WHAT PART OF ‘ _AUTOGRAPHED_ AND _PERSONALIZED’_ DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

“What part of ‘you could buy’ – ”

“YOU HAVEN’T PAID ME IN TWO WEEKS!!”

“ _Baka_ ,” The silver haired male mumbles and rolls his eyes before sticking a finger up his nostril. “It’s been three weeks…”

 “ _THREE?!_ ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

As the two males continue to argue over the stupidest things, Otae’s eyebrows and lips twitch as she slowly begins to lose patience. She walks over to Gintoki and Shinpachi, standing in between them, before shutting her eyes slowly and curving her lips into an eerie smile and punches the older male in the cheek and quickly flicking her brother’s face as quick as lightly causing them both to stagger back and fall on their asses.

“Ow…” Shinpachi winces as he lifts a hand up to his forehead where he has been flicked.

Before Gintoki could let out a groan and lift a hand up to touch his injured cheek, he suddenly feels a new weight on his stomach and what seems to be legs wrapped around his waist and looks up to see Otae with a fiery look in her eyes.

“What – ”

“ _Gin-san…_ ”

Her smile and her innocent sounding voice – like the one she had right now - still gave Gintoki nightmares every once in a while. He knows what is coming up next and sends a silent prayer that he makes it out of here alive.

“Y-Yes?” He swallows a lump in his throat.

“So tell me…” She starts, opening her eyes again to meet Gintoki’s dead (maybe those eyes _are_ actually dead right now) fish eyes.

“Tell you what, exactly?” He questions, not liking where this is going.

“You knew about this whole thing about my brother _before_ I ever did, am I correct?”

Gintoki averts his gaze from the demonic figure (she looks like some sort of demon or Amanto creature right now… Or maybe he was just hallucinating…) and looks past her shoulder as he meets Shinpachi’s eyes as a silent plea for help.

 _I’m sorry_ , the younger boy mouths as he gives the natural perm head a shrug.

 _Dammit, Patsuan. We’re supposed to team up together._ Gintoki stares at him, hoping his mental message is coming across clearly.

 _You’re supposed to be my support system, Gin-san._ Shinpachi counters.

Gintoki groans at this, both internally and externally, which causes Otae to look down at him with a puzzled expression.

“What are you groaning about, hm? Answer my question, Gin-san. I’m getting impatient.” She states, tightening her legs around the other’s waist, literally squeezing out an answer from him.

 _Holy fucking hell_ –

The silver haired samurai felt as though his internal organs were being squeezed right out of his body from both openings. He should feel lucky that he has a girl sitting on his stomach with her legs wrapped in an iron grip around his body; however, she is no ordinary girl. Sure, she works as a cabaret hostess and has an appearance that will make any model jealous, but in reality she has a quick temper, is incredibly strong (in both her physical and mental states) which makes her quite the violent one when it comes to it.

Like right now.

“Okay, yeah- _Yes._ He told me before he got the chance to tell you.” Gintoki finally replies, thinking that it’d be best if he’d answer now before his internal organs _do_ squeeze out of his asshole or his mouth.

“How long ago was that?”

“Yesterday, today, I don’t remember. I can barely remember anything right now. All I feel is pain on my lower torso.” The natural perm head groans, finding it harder and harder to breathe by the second.

After what feels like several hours, he sees the bespectacled male standing up and placing his hand on his sister’s shoulder.

“Aneue, please. You’re hurting him.” He says in a soft voice as he nudges his sister’s shoulder. “If anything… I should be the one who’s getting punished…”

Otae doesn’t turn around to meet her brother’s eyes. Something inside of her refrains her from doing so. She doesn’t understand why, or maybe she’s just been trying to push back those feelings; however, she does nod her head anyway and slowly lifts her body off of the older male’s waist, and sits down on her knees, dropping her gaze to the floor with a quiet sigh.

Gintoki, on the other hand, lets out a sigh of relief as the iron grip around his waist is no longer there. Although he could still feel his lower body throbbing… Usually after receiving some sort of blow from the female - or any female at that - Gintoki would find himself saying some sort or snarky remark or tease them back, but in this case, he realizes that now isn’t the best time to do so by the look on the Shimura’s faces and the atmosphere inside the bedroom. Instead, what the natural perm head decides to do is to push himself up into an upright sitting position with the help of his elbows (suddenly realizing that he got up too quick because now he feels a sharp pain on his lower abdomen almost causing him to double forward) and scoots himself backwards until he feels his back hit against the wall.

Maybe it’s best if he just watch and listen rather than talk and butt in for once.

Shinpachi stares at his sister’s back since that’s the only thing he can look at right now. He thinks that it will be easier to talk to her like this since he won’t be able to see her face as he tells her the truth. He knows that it will be better for the both of them to talk to each other face-to-face, but on a topic like this?

He doesn’t know if he can do it.

Of course he loves her (and he knows that she loves him) and of course they trust each other with anything and everything. But this is all new to him… New to the both of them… It’ll just take some getting used to.

“Anueue…” He whispers as he crouches down into a sitting position behind her. “I’m sorry.”

Otae shuts her eyes and nods her head again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Yamazaki-san,” He continues, taking her silence as a sign to keep talking, to further explain himself. “I’m sorry I didn’t come out to you sooner… You were going to be the first person I was supposed to come out to, I-I swear… But it’s just hard. I was scared of how you’d react the most. You and Gin-san, actually. I love you so much, Anueue, and I w-want you to be proud of me, but this whole thing is scary to me a-and overwhelming because it’s just so _new_ to me. I didn’t know who to talk to about this, who would understand me, because I didn’t really understand what was going on with myself, but that’s when I met Yamazaki-san and realized how much we’re so alike and… how badly I fell in love with him…”

_Fell in love with him._

Gintoki is not only surprised to hear is name come up in the conversation, but he finds himself cocking an eyebrow as he sees the way Otae begins to shake, her fringe falling forward to cover her eyes as a single tear falls down her cheek.

“I love him, Anueue… So much…”

After a couple seconds of just silence and shaky breathing coming from his sister, he glances over at Gintoki again before quickly crawling around to sit in front of her, and gently taking her hands, not quite understanding what’s going on.

“Anueue?”

“Shin-chan…” She sniffles, pulling a hand away from her brother’s grip and lifting it up to her face. She wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand before brushing her hair to the side and finally meeting Shinpachi’s face. She can see Gintoki watching them from the corner of her eyes but doesn’t mind it at all. Even after what she did to him only a couple minutes ago, she only did it out of love. At least in her eyes it was out of love.

Shinpachi nods his head, finding it quite difficult to see her so vulnerable since she isn’t really the type to cry in front of others.

“You don’t have to apologize to me.”

“But I didn’t tell you first – ”

“That’s okay...”

“No it’s not.” Shinpachi whispers. “You’re my _sister_. You should be the first person I talk to about anything… It’s my fault – ”

Otae squeezes her brother’s hand as an attempt to both calm him down and to shut him up. This causes the younger male to glance down at both of their hands, and to heave a sigh.

“Are you done now?” She asks in a bit of a teasing tone, hopefully lightening the mood.

“Yeah, I guess.” Shinpachi replies, placing a hand on the back of his neck.

“Shin-chan. I want you to know that I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of the man you’ve grown up to be – even though you’re only sixteen.” Otae smiles at him sweetly, starting to feel her eyes stinging with tears again. “But most importantly, I’m so happy for you to have met such a wonderful person and to have fallen in love with such a wonderful person. Although I don’t know much about him and therefore I can’t say much, I can only expect great and positive things because I know who you are, Shin-chan. You’re a very smart, kind, and loving individual. You know what’s best for yourself and you know who to love and who not to love. I trust you and I know that you’re aware of that, but I just want to say this out loud to you: I don’t mind if you’ve fallen in love with a girl or a guy, or even if you don’t want to be in a relationship at all. Just know that whatever or whoever makes you happy, will make me happy as well. Remember, I just want the best for you because I love you.”

“A-Anueue…” Shinpachi couldn’t help but sob uncontrollably throughout her sister’s speech; however, once she finally finished, he quickly leaned forward and wrapped his arms tightly around his sister’s body, feeling so incredibly loved right now.

Otae rests her chin on the boy’s head as she feels his arms wrap around her body and shuts her eyes, letting her own tears fall down on her face. She rubs gentle circles onto Shinpachi’s back as she lets Shinpachi cry against her shoulder. She doesn’t mind getting her yukata soaked by him because this sort of thing hasn’t happened in a long time.

She misses his embrace and wishes that they could experience moments like this more often. Just like the good old days…

Their sibling bonding comes to a sudden halt as they hear the sound of sniffling and clothes shifting from the corner of the room. Both Shimura siblings glance over to the corner of the room and see Gintoki wiping his face and then blowing his nose onto the sleeve of his yukata.

The silver haired samurai could sense their puzzled gaze on him, and slowly and awkwardly drops his arm on the ground.

“Are you _crying_ , Gin-san?” Shinpachi asks after repositioning his glasses on his nose.

“I.. uh.. I just had something in my eye. Maybe I have pink eye… Maybe I’m sick…” Gintoki stammers, looking all around the room but at the Shimura siblings. “I ate something spicy – ”

The younger male rolls his eyes at that.

“You ate a parfait. There’s no such thing as a _spicy parfait_.”

“You can make any parfait flavour you want.” Gintoki counters.

“Oh, Gin-san~” Otae calls out, meeting the other male’s eyes from across the room. “Can you come here for a second?”

“Huh? Okay…” He wipes his face with his arm one more time before walking over a bit uneasily to Otae, clearly not liking where this is going. “I’m here…”

The natural perm head watches them as Shinpachi leans over to whisper something in his sister’s ear with a bit of a worried and puzzled expression, meanwhile Otae whispers something back in his ear with a cheery expression. The bespectacled male nods his head before unwrapping his arms from his sister body, and moving aside.

_What the hell is going on…?_

The brunette stands up until she’s face-to-face (or more like face-to- _chest_ ) with the natural perm head.

Before Gintoki could take another second to realize what is about to happen next, Otae knees him in his jewels as hard and as quick as she can, and then as he’s bent forward cupping his balls, she jumps up high and elbows his back, causing the sugar addict to yelp in pain and collapse to the floor.

“Um…” Shinpachi crawls over to the older male’s body. “Don’t you think that was a bit much?”

“ _Yes._ That was _more_ than a bit much. Fuck…” Gintoki groans and rests his forehead on the floor. Every inch of him, especially his precious jewels, is throbbing.

“No, I don’t think so.” Otae shakes her head.

Gintoki gapes at her.

“What the hell do you mean?! My balls may look like balls, but they’re not fucking _soccer balls!_ You can’t just knee them like that!”

“That’s what you get for not paying my brother for two weeks.” Otae says with a smug look on her face.

“Actually, it’s been _three_ weeks…” Shinpachi pipes up which causes the natural perm head to glare at him and give him the finger.

“Ah, right. Three weeks… Well then…” She cracks her knuckles and her neck before crouching down and pulling on Gintoki’s silver hair.

“You traitor – ”

WHACK.

 


	8. You Miss Out On A Lot When A Couple Days Have Passed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there!  
> first of all, i'd just like to apologize for not updating in 4 months. that was totally my fault (my fault for being such a lazy bum tbh). I really did miss writing this fic, but y'know, school happened and i kinda lost my motivation to write. But since i'm on vacation right now, i thought it'd be a perfect time to update this fic ლ(╹◡╹ლ)  
> I really hope writing this chapter gets me in the swing of writing fics again, but we just never know, now can we? lol
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoy this late af chapter update~  
> (~￣▽￣)~

A couple days have passed since Gintoki and Shinpachi have had _the conversation_ with Otae. And thank god that they got that over with because that was seriously the most nerve-wracking thing the duo has ever done together in a long time. As much as Shinpachi refused to let the natural perm head join in on the conversation, Gintoki decided to stay and act as the younger male’s support system. And it’s not like he would have let the poor boy face his problem alone. Gintoki is one of his guardians, one of his brother-figures, this was something he _had_ to do. Although, now that he thinks about it, he probably shouldn’t have followed Shinpachi because the entire thing would have ended differently – the silver haired samurai wouldn’t have gotten beaten into a pulp by the Megane’s sister, that is.

Also, he wouldn’t have had to pay the brunette his allowance.

Gintoki groans to himself as he sits back on his red couch and lays the _Jump_ magazine on his face, blocking out the light and shuts his eyes.

That also means a couple days have passed since the entire world found out about Shinpachi’s and Yamazaki’s sexuality – which still fazes the perm head to be honest. Again, it’s not like he minds…

A couple days have passed since Yamazaki and Shinpachi have had sex -

Actually, the two probably have had sex the _same day_ Otae found out about Shinpachi’s deepest secret. Who knows? Maybe they had victory sex in the younger boy’s bedroom as soon as everyone said their goodbyes and left them alone to do the _deed_. Or maybe they fooled around at the Shinsengumi headquarters behind Hijikata’s back. A celebration for coming out clean to their loved ones (Er, maybe Yamazaki doesn’t find his comrades in arms as ‘family’. More like pain in the asses.).

Either way, Gintoki can’t feel a bit of uneasiness and annoyance when he thinks about the ‘happy couple’ fooling around. And it’s a really crappy feeling because he knows he’s acting like a piece of shit right now lounging around in his apartment, doing _nothing_ , waiting for phone calls.

Oh who is he kidding. He’s crossing his fingers that no one will call him today since he’s seriously not in the mood to do some odd jobs. Especially now that he’s all by himself because Kagura is out with Soyo and Shinpachi is obviously having the time of his life with his boyfriend.

He hates this feeling.

He can’t exactly pinpoint which emotion he’s feeling right now or the cause of it.

Maybe it’s because of the fact that he hasn’t seen Hijikata since _the talk_. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t made a snide remark towards the chain smoker in a couple of days. It could have also been because he hasn’t touched the dark haired male in a couple of days. But then again, it might’ve been because he hasn’t eaten lunch yet.

Yeah, okay.

The reason for his sadness (if it is even sadness…) might _not_ be because he hasn’t eaten lunch yet, or anything for the past three hours at that.

It’s painfully obvious that his emotions are all because of the stupid Shinsengumi vice commander. Because of their lack of contact, Gintoki has been feeling down, lonely, _empty_ …

_Fucking bastard…_

Gintoki heaves out a heavy sigh as he pushes the magazine off of his face and feels it slide down his cheek before hearing it thud against the hardwood floor. He lifts his head up from the couch and leans over, staring at the book on the ground before picking it up along its spine and setting it on the table in front of him, nearly knocking over the plate of cookies Kagura had placed before she left early this morning. Gintoki uncrosses his legs and lays his feet flat on the floor as he places his elbow on his thighs and lays his face flat on his hands, shutting his eyes before cursing softly to himself one more time.

_This is so fucking pathetic_ , the natural perm thinks to himself, rubbing his hands across his face.

Before he could curse the Shinsengumi officer one more time, he hears a rapping against the front door, which causes him to quickly lift his head up away from his hands and raise his eyebrows.

“Who could that be…?” he thinks to himself as he walks towards the front hallway, half hoping to see a _certain_ face and slides the door open only to spot a familiar and annoying raven haired fellow.

“Zura-?”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura.”

“Um…”, The natural perm head has to blink a couple times and rub his eyes with the back of his hands before absorbing the sight in front of him. It wasn’t unusual to see his childhood friend standing at his doorstop, but it took him off guard since it’s been a while since he’s come into contact with him as well. It’s safe to say that Gintoki has kept to himself lately.

The other male clears his throat, leaning his weight on one leg and that breaks the silver haired male’s train of thoughts.

“Can I come inside?” Zura asks, eyeing the other male.

“Is the duck with you?” Gintoki finds it quite uncomfortable every time Zura brings Elizabeth along with him to his apartment so he usually tells his friend to refrain from bringing his buddy to his place where his prying eyes can stare at him and his belongings with those beady eyes…

“No”, the long haired male shakes his head and pushes his way through the door, slipping his shoes off at the entrance before walking past the hallway and into the living room.

Gintoki watches the other male sit down on side of the room before running his fingers through his silver hair and sits on the opposite side, lifting one leg above his thigh and crossing his legs. He can’t help but feel a tinge of discomfort right now. Silence was the only thing that can be heard right now and it’s _deafening_ and _unusual_ since whenever the duo ‘hung out’, their noise level would be through the roof in only a matter of seconds. He takes a bite from his cookie, using his chewing and munching as an attempt to produce some noise, if only a little bit. After the natural perm head swallows, he clears his throat and lifts his eyes to the other male, not realizing until now that he’s been avoiding eye contact with him.

“So…” Gintoki begins, stuffing the rest of his cookie into his mouth. “What brings you here?”

Zura doesn’t say a word at first, he only locks his eyes with Gintoki which only freaks out the taller male even more. He crosses his arms across his chest and leans back against the couch.

“Leader told me to talk to you.” Zura replies, voice smooth.

Gintoki blinks at him.

“Kagura did? I thought she hated me…”

“Mhm,” the other male nods. “She said you’ve been acting differently lately and I can’t help but agree with her.”

_‘Acting differently’…?_

The silver haired male locks away from Zura and stares down at his lap, not quite understanding where this whole thing is going.

“What do you mean?” He asks, still not meeting the other’s gaze.

“I’m not a fool, Gintoki. You know what I’m talking about.” Zura shifts in his seat, finding himself in a more comfortable position, and brushes back a piece of hair behind his ear.

Gintoki was about to correct the other male and say ‘ _Well, you’re an idiot_ most _times’_ but thought that now wasn’t the time to make such remarks.

“If it’s about Shinpachi and that Yamazaki guy, I’m cool with it. I honestly don’t mind what they do-”

“Gintoki,” Zura calls out in a soft voice. “This is not about Shinpachi-kun.”

“Then what is it that you wanted to talk about, Zura?” He asks, getting tired of the conversation already.

“It’s about you and Hijikata.”

_You_ and _Hijikata._

Gintoki lifts his head up at that and immediately meets the other male’s olive eyes. He gapes his mouth a bit when he hears _his_ name and shuts it once he realizes Zura cocking his head to the side, further eyeing the silver haired male, analyzing his reactions.

“What… What about us?” Is all he could say. Suddenly his hands begin to turn clammy and he can feel his cheeks burn up a bit.

Zura shakes his head slowly for the second time that day, and frowns at him.

“You still haven’t talked to him about it, haven’t you, Gintoki?”

_What the hell is_ this? Is this some sort of prank Kagura set up to get back at him? If so, this seriously isn’t funny because there’s no way in hell that Zura of all people could figure out what’s going on between him and Hijikata.

“No, this isn’t a prank set up by Leader. It’s fairly obvious, actually.” Zura says suddenly.

“Huh?” Gintoki stares at him.

He eyes the natural perm head.

“I’m answering your question. I’m quite aware about your… ‘relationship’ that you have going on with Hijikata.”

Gintoki realizes that his inner thoughts weren’t so _inner_ after all.

“Oh,” the silver haired male says, scratching the back of his head.

“But,” the dark haired male starts, blinking at Gintoki. “I do wish that you would have at least told me about your feelings for him. Are we not friends?”

Gintoki lets out another sigh for what seems like the hundredth time today and uncrosses his legs.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested,” He admits, reaching over for another cookie. He’d have to ask Kagura to buy another pack from the grocery story one day.

Zura sits there and lifts a finger to his lips, thinking about what the other male had said, pursing his lips.

“That’s not true. I’m open to a good conversation with my brothers in arms any day. Even ask Sakamoto.”

Gintoki’s mouth hangs open, the cookie mere millimeters from touching his tongue and his teeth, before raising an eyebrow at him.

“What’re you saying? You constantly keep contact with Sakamoto, Mr. Loud-Mouth? Do you skype him every day? What, are you guys BFFs now?”

“Haven’t all four- er, I mean, _three_ of us always been good friends?” The longer haired male corrects himself with a cough. “Of course I like to keep up to date with my childhood friends, Gintoki. It’s a nice thing to do to ask someone how they are every once in a while, you know.”

“But Sakamoto…?” Gintoki jokes, finally taking a bite from his cookie.

“Don’t be rude now,” Zura comments, crossing his arms across his chest again. “He wants to visit us again, by the way. He said we should invite Takasugi this time, but I highly doubt he’ll come. He also mentioned how we should choose a place that doesn’t have any basketball player ghosts hanging around, or _any_ ghosts at that. Remember what happened last time?”

How could he _not_ remember. The last time they hung out was when the supposedly mysterious former comrade Kurokono Tasuke gathered the three of them at a restaurant for a reunion. Gintoki can still remember feeling well shaken when he was left alone to go to the washroom and hearing ghostly voices and creaking down and along the hallway. Anyone who knows Gintoki is aware of his deathly fear of ghosts. Although what seemed to be a blood thirsty ghost, turned out to be just an old friend of theirs from the Jouishishi war.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, Gintoki could feel some sort of presence in his room when he wakes up to take a piss in the middle of the night or whenever he is alone in the dark. He knows he shouldn’t be scared of Kurokono’s ‘ghost’ but he can’t help but feel paranoid. That’s just the way his mind works.

 “Yeah, yeah,” Gintoki says, waving him off. “We’ll plan something out.”

“Great!” Zura smiles at him, giving the other male a thumbs up. “I’ll let Sakamoto know.”

“Mm,” the natural perm head mumbles, nodding his head. “Well, if that’s all you want to talk about, feel free to leave – ”

Suddenly, the dark haired male stands up from his seat and quickly walks over to Gintoki. Ignoring the other man’s puzzled expression, he points at Gintoki’s face and stands proudly.

“Oh-ho-ho. No, we’re not done yet,” he says, puffing out his chest.

“What are you, Santa Claus…” Gintoki mumbles under his breath, staring at the finger pointed directly at his nose.

“Gintoki.”

“Zura.”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura.”

“Right.”

“ _Gintoki_ ,” Zura repeats himself, trying his best to make his voice sound as stern as possible.

“What do you want from me – ”

“I want you to repeat after me.”

“I don’t have to do anything you say, _baka_ ,” Gintoki says, sticking his pinky up his nose, meeting his dead fish eyes with Zura’s.

Before he could fling his _buried treasure_ at the olive eyed male’s face, Gintoki’s body is suddenly flung towards the other male as he could feel Zura’s hand clenched tightly around the fabric of his collar. Gintoki looks up at Zura’s face, noses mere centimeters apart, starting to find it quite difficult to breathe in this position.

 Many people like to think that Zura isn’t strong because of his ‘slim figure’ and his interest in cross-dressing as Zurako. But oh boy, are they wrong. Zura was part of the Jouishishi war, he was one of the best fighters, the best samurais. This idiot has the strength to kill hundreds of men if he really wanted to; however, given the title as the ‘Rampaging Noble’, Zura likes to keep his skills well-hidden and only attack with his sword when absolutely necessary.

And thank god Zura didn’t have his sword on him because his iron grip on Gintoki’s clothes is just enough for him to leave the silver haired samurai breathless for air.

“Z-Zu…ra…” Gintoki pipes, his eyes nearly bulging out its sockets.

“Just say that you’re going to repeat everything that I’m going to say,” he says casually.

“O…kay okay! Just… let g-go..!”

Zura lets go at Gintoki’s words and steps back, watching the other male coughing and clutching onto his neck, and breathing in through his nose.

“Shit… Zura, what the _hell_.” Gintoki coughs, staring at the longer haired male with wild eyes.

“If only you agreed the first time, then you wouldn’t have had to face the wrath of the ‘Rampaging Noble’,” Zura turns his head to the side and smirks smugly at him.

“There wasn’t anything _noble_ about that, trust me,” Gintoki rolls his eyes. Finally regaining his composure and finding it painless to breathe again, he looks up at the other male. “Fine, what do you want me to say?”

Zura clears his throat.

“I love Hijikata Toushirou.”

_What?_

“E-Eh?” Gintoki couldn’t believe what he is hearing.

“I love Hijikata Toushirou – ”

“I-I heard you the first time.”

“So say it. Repeat those four words to me.” Zura states, meeting the other’s eyes as he sits down beside Gintoki.  “Come on. You can do it, Gintoki. _I believe in you_.”

_What the hell is_ this _?_

“Am I being punk’d or something…?” he asks, looking around the room for any hidden cameras. “Is this like, one of those game shows…”

“Gintoki,” Zura pulls on the sleeve of his yukata, turning him to face him. “I told you, this is not a prank. Now, just look after me and repeat what I just said.

Zura isn’t a bad guy. He really isn’t. And Ginoki wouldn’t really pinpoint him as much of a prankster, too. So, he releases a sigh of defeat and drops his head, his fringe falling over his eyes.

“I love… Hijikata Toushirou…” Gintoki says, voice low. “There. I said it. Happy?”

“Nope. No.” Zura replies curtly.

“What?”

The longer haired male lowers his eyes at him, his face very unimpressed.

“That was a whisper. You need to say it loud _and_ proud. Think of Sakamoto.”

“Ew, no.”

“Gintoki,” Zura sighs. “I’m trying to help you out.”

“And how is this helping me with _anything_ , hm?” Gintoki counters, lifting his head up to meet the other’s face again.

 “I’m trying to help you out by facing your fear of saying how you truly feel to Hijikata,” he explains, voice soft as he cocks his head to the side. “Don’t you want him to know how you feel?”

Gintoki averts his eyes and stares at the wall in front of him. Of course he’d like for Hijikata to reciprocate his feelings. He’d like for them to ‘hang out’ more often. He really wants to stop hiding from everyone, keeping everything as a secret.

But admitting his true feelings out loud and in person… That’s just difficult to do.

Feeling embarrassed at his own thoughts, Gintoki can only nod his head in response to the other’s question. Soon after he drops his head one more time and stares at his feet.

“One more time, then.” Zura says.

“I love Hijikata Toushirou.” Gintoki repeats, raising his voice. He can’t meet the other man’s eyes as he only has _one man_ on his mind right now and he can’t focus without closing his eyes and imagining _his_ face, imagining himself saying it in front of _him._

“Say it one more time. Louder this time. Make it good.”

With his head lowered and his heartbeat pounding in his ears, Gintoki is completely unaware of Zura’s hand reaching into his sleeve, pulling out a cellphone, and presses a single button. A low murmur of voices can be heard on the other side of the phone as Zura brings the device up to his sleeve and whispers a few words.

Gintoki clears his throat and sits up straight.

“I LOVE HIJIKATA TOUSHIROU _GODDAMMIT_!”

“Y-Yorozuya…”

A voice so familiar, yet so _faint_. A voice that he hasn’t heard in a while… The one voice he misses the most.

“H-Hijikata…?”


	9. Cellphones, Confessions, and a Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my longest chapter for this fic. I had to rewrite a couple paragraphs because I'm a pretty indecisive person when it comes to writing (if that even makes sense lololol) so that's why I'm uploading this a bit later than originally planned...  
> Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I wish you guys a happy new year!!  
> (here's to hoping that i'll upload and write more frequently in the upcoming year~)  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

_It couldn’t be. No no no. There’s no way that was Hijikata’s voice. It’s impossible. There’s absolutely_ no _way he’s in the room._

As he turns his head to face the longer haired male, his dead fish eyes dart all around the room in search of a specific chain smoker and lets out a sigh of relief once he realizes that yes, he’s _not_ standing in the room with a shocked or maybe even a disgusted expression on his face, cigarette nearly falling out of his mouth. Wiping sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand, he finally turns his gaze to Zura, who in turn waves the object in his hand in the air, a smug look on his annoying face. Puzzled, Gintoki eyes whatever the hell is in Zura’s hand and just about smacks the living day light out of him.

“Zura?! What the hell?!”

“Zura?”

Before he could swipe the cellphone from the dark haired male’s hands, a voice could be heard from the opposite end of the line. Realizing this, the natural perm head’s eyes dart back and forth between the cellular device and Zura’s face, meanwhile his own face is pale and in a panicked expression.

“Hijikata…?” Gintoki mouthed at Zura, pointing at the cellphone in his hands.

Zura nods.

“Is that a problem, Gintoki?” He asks, covering the mic with one hand.

“ _Yes_ , Zura.” The silver haired samurai replies, shoving the other’s shoulder.

“And why would that be? – ” Zura’s voice cuts off as he rubs his injured shoulder.

Gintoki slaps his clammy hands on top of the other male’s hand as an attempt to prevent the chain smoker from listening in o their conversation.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?!” He whispers against Zura ear, not caring how the other man feels right now in regards to their lack of personal space.

“I know no such thing – ”

“You idiot!!” Gintoki swings his arm and punches the olive eyed male in the gut, flipping him over the couch with a loud groan and a heavy thud once he hits the floor. The phone flies through the air, flipping dramatically as if in slow motion before landing on the plate of cookies on the table. Gintoki quickly crawls over to the table, swiping the phone with his hand and hovers his thumb over the red disconnect button before he feels a hard tug on his permy locks.

“Ouchouchouchouch!” He reaches behind his head and tries to slap the other’s hand away only to no avail as Zura pulls even harder on his silver hair, which in turn results in a wincing and cursing perm head.

“I’m not letting go until you apologize for punching me in the gut for absolutely _no reason_ at all.” Zura says calmly, clenching his fingers through the other male’s hair, meanwhile his other hand clutches onto his stomach, grimacing slightly.

“Sorry sorry _sorry_! Fuck…” Gintoki groans when Zura lets go of his hair and rubs the back of his head. He curses several times before averting his gaze from the phone to the other male. “I hate you so _so_ much right now…”

Zura rolls his eyes and slips his thin fingers between Gintoki’s and swiftly pulls the device out of his hands while the other male seems to be distracted with his wounded scalp. He clears his throat before holding the phone against his lips and meets the other samurai’s red eyes with his own. Prior to mumbling a quiet ‘hello’, the other voice on the line pipes up in a gruff tone.

“Can someone explain what the hell is going on, because if not, I’m going to hang up – ”

“ _TOSHI_! Don’t hang up!”

“Hah? Don’t call me that, China.”

_China?_

“Kagura?” Gintoki leans over, resting his arm against Zura’s shoulder. His eyebrow is raised, not quite understanding why he can hear the Yato’s _and_ Mayora’s voice. Those two are never together, and if they are, it’s usually when they team up to fight; however, she usually teams up with Sougo even though she says she hates the sadistic teen with a passion of a thousand burning suns. Clearly, Gintoki is puzzled about the Yato’s relationship with the sandy brown male. And it’s not like he’d _ask_ her about it. He’d get knocked out cold for sure. There’s no doubt about it. However, he can’t help but be curious about it…

Anyways, back to the matter at hand.

Why the hell is _she_ with _him_?

This doesn’t make sense.

At all.

“U-Uh,” The Yato teen stammers on the other end of the line. Gintoki can hear what seems to be the shuffling of feet and muffled voices before the girl’s voice can be heard on the line again, although with a much lower and strained tone. “Kagura, who? This is Gura.”

Gintoki rolls his eyes.

“Oi, Yorozuya.”

Suddenly feeling his cheeks heat up and his heart racing faster, he stares at the phone in Zura’s hand, palms sweating. He averts his gaze to the other male’s eyes, who in turn nudges the phone towards him. Gintoki looks down at the phone, his gaze unwavering.

_Did it suddenly get hot in here? It’s so stuffy…_

“Gintoki,” Zura places the phone on the perm head’s lap and looks at him, urging him to pick the device up and _speak_.

“Nononono,” Gintoki replies, shaking his head stubbornly.

The dark haired male frowns at him and heaves out a sigh.

“Look,” Gintoki watches as Zura stands up from his seat and crosses his arms across his chest. “I’ll leave you alone if it helps. I have other things to do anyway.”

“Oi, Zura – ”

“Just promise me you’ll talk to him,” The taller male says as he slips his slippers back on at the entryway to Gintoki’s apartment. “Oh and when you’re done, give the phone back to that Gorilla officer. I’m sure he’ll be unhappy to know that his phone’s been missing for the past two hours.”

“Oi, bastard. Are you still there? I will seriously hang up if you don’t reply in ten seconds.”

“Uh…” Gintoki stares at the device, turning it in his hand and a look of disgust is plastered on his face as he notices the fingerprints all over the screen of the phone and thinks about the dirty, unthinkable places those fingers have been prior to using the cellular device. He decides he’ll burn the phone later or at least disinfect it once he finishes talking on the phone.

Because _honestly_ , how disgusting is that Gorilla?

“Anyways, good luck. I expect only good results from this conversation,” Zura waves Gintoki a goodbye with two fingers as he slides the door open and walks outside, leaving the perm head alone to his anxious thoughts and the _damn_ Mayora’s voice.

“ _Oi._ Fucking say something, asshole.”

“What’s there left to say, Oogushi-kun? Weren’t you the one who called me in the first place?” Gintoki mentions, trying his best to sound nonchalant and calm as possible even though he’s one hundred percent certain he knows where this conversation is heading.

“Why the hell would I even call you?” Gintoki heard the other male click his tongue.

“Oh, for many reasons, Hijikata-kun.”

The silver haired samurai can sense Hijikata rolling his eyes through his phone.

“Like what?”

“Reason number one: you miss hearing my voice. Reason number two: you wanna take me out to dinner. Reason number three: you miss my dirty talk – ”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole. Go die.”

“Speaking of asshole,” Gintoki presses the phone against his ear as he lowers his voice, a smirk etched on his face. “I miss _yours_ ”.

“I’m going to hang up.”

“Oi! Wait.” Gintoki yells, straightening up in his seat, realizing that this isn’t the reason for his conversation.

“What do you want?” The other male groans.

 _You. I_ want _you, dammit._

Not that that isn’t true, but he know that it wouldn’t be an appropriate response for a certain Shinsengumi officer to waste his time on him. Apparently, ‘Gin-chan is hungry. Take me out to eat’ or ‘Gin-chan is horny and alone’ with a smirking emoticon are also _not_ contenders for the chain smoker to run outside and meet the other man’s needs. Then again, a simple ‘Hijikata-kun~ Meet me tonight.’ left in the other man’s voicemail machine never seemed to stir up a response from the chain smoker as well. Gintoki thinks that’s why he no longer uses his cellphone anymore.

“D’ya got a lot of work to do?”, is all Gintoki asks, playing with the loose sleeve of his yukata.

“If this is you trying to ask me to get in my pants again, I swear…”

“NO! No… I’m just asking you a simple yes or no question.”

The perm head can hear the shuffling of footsteps and then what seems to be the sound of sheets of paper flipping before he can he the other man’s voice again.

“Can you hear that?”

“Is that a yes or…”

“ _Yes_ , you idiot. I have a lot of shit to go through.” Hijikata replies, sighing to himself at what he thinks is a unnecessary conversation. “Is that it?”

“No.”

“So…?”

“Are you free tonight because - ”

“Yorozuya, I told you I’m not in the mood to fuck around with you.”

“Let me finish for fucks sake, Hijikata!”

A short pause before Gintoki can hear the other man on the phone clear his throat and settle back down in his spot.

“As I was saying,” The perm head begins, running his fingers through his silver locks and heaves out a sigh. “We need to meet up and talk.”

Another pause.

“Oi, Hijikata-kun?”

Still no reply.

Gintoki pulls the device away from his ear and stares at the screen. He realizes that the other man hasn’t hung up on him because his name is still displayed on the screen; however, it puzzled him how the damn demonic vice commander wasn’t saying a word to him. He calls out Hijikata’s name a couple more times before he can hear the other man’s voice on the line again.

“I heard what you said before,” is all Hijikata says, his voice lower than usual, almost as if in a whisper.

Gintoki feels his heart jump in his throat and his cheeks flush. The significant change in the tone of the other man’s voice left Gintoki an anxious mess. Not that he wasn’t drowning in his insecurities before, but hearing Hijikata’s voice like that made him feel incredibly apprehensive about this entire situation. Although Zura told him that this ‘plan’ of his will work out smoothly and all will end well, Gintoki likes to think otherwise and would rather throw the Gorilla’s phone across the room and scream into his pillow like a misunderstood high school girl, and then punch the Joui terrorist in the gut one last time to prove to him how incredibly faulty his ‘plan’ underwent. And as much as he wants to hang up the phone right now, he knows that this is the only time he’s able to talk about his feelings (as corny as that sounds) since he was already caught red handed by the one and only Hijikata-kun.

Gintoki leans his head back on the couch and stares at the ceiling.

“You did, hah?” The silver haired man asks.

A soft hum is all Gintoki can hear from the other end of the line and takes that response as a _yes_.

“Oh.”

“That’s what you wanted to talk about I assume?”

“Yeah.”

“Right well,” the natural perm head can hear the other man shuffling around in his room, setting his papers and whatever else is on his desk aside, and the sound of fabric ruffling against more fabric, as if he’s putting his uniform jacket on. “I’ll just pull an all-nighter and work on this later tonight. We can meet now.”

“You mean _now_ , now?”

“Mm. I’ll see you at your favourite restaurant – they finally repaired it by the way. Be there in five minutes.” Hijikata hangs up and Gintoki pulls the phone away from his ear, folding it close, and then groans loudly as he shuts his eyes.

_Ugh. I can’t believe I just used the Gorilla’s phone to talk to Hijikata. His disgusting, germ-ridden cellphone. His phone was touching my cheek. I need to wash my face._

~ ~ ~

Gintoki hadn’t realized the grey, intimidating clouds in the sky until he was walking halfway to his destination. Just when he looked up, he felt a drop plop down on his forehead and then suddenly it began to pour. People around him huddled under the badly damaged roof of a nearby restaurant, others ran inside convenience stores. He probably should’ve brought an umbrella from home or at least switched on the TV to check the weather or something; however, Gintoki never really minded the rain. It was just water. Water never hurt him. If anything, he much preferred rainy days as oppose to sunny days as this would only result in a day or two where he can lounge around in his apartment, feet propped up on his table as he leaned back in his chair and zoomed through his Jump magazine, sipping on a good ol’ box of strawberry milk. Of course, Shinpachi would eventually come over and yell at him (and sometimes even to Kagura as well, if he was even brave enough to scold her) to stop being a lazy ass and do some chores around the house.

Speaking of which, he’d have to tell the Megane to wash his dirty clothes sometime this week since he hasn’t done the laundry in two weeks and his heap of laundry located in the corner of his bedroom is stacking up with piles and piles of unclean underwear.

Running his fingers through his rain-soaked perm, he arrives at the restaurant. A small bell chimes above him on the door as Gintoki enters the building. He wipes the drops of rain off his of forehead and cheeks with the back of his hand before walking towards the middle of the restaurant in search of the chain smoker. As he locates the other man sitting in their regular booth at the far end of the restaurant, Gintoki can feel the stares and glares of the other customers on him, probably because of his dishevelled appearance or his dark under eye circles. Maybe even both, he doesn’t care. He knows he’s a mess right now not only because of the rain, but because of his current state of mind.

Trying to keep himself cool, he greets the other man with a ‘yo’ and slips into the opposite side of the boot. Gintoki scrunches up his face disgust as he feels and hears the sound of his soaked yukata and pants sticking onto the leather seat of the booth.

Hijikata balances his cigarette between his lips as he stares at the other male with a raised eyebrow. His eyes scan the other man’s appearance before lifting his hand up to his lips, and pulling the cigarette out of his mouth prior to blowing out a cloud of smoke.

“You look like a mess.”

“Thanks, so do you. A pretty _hot_ one I might add.”

“Whatever,” Hijikata mumbles, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms across his chest.

Gintoki chuckles softly. His gaze drops down to the cup of strawberry parfait sitting on the table in front of him and he can feel his stomach grumble in joy, gasping at the sight in front of him.

“You shouldn’t have, Mayora~,” the silver haired samurai says beaming at him, meanwhile Hijikata averts his gaze and stares at the piece of artwork hanging on the wall. Gintoki pulls the cup towards him and begins to dig down in the cool, sweet, strawberry deliciousness, savouring every single bite. Stuck in his state of nirvana, Gintoki failed to hear the dark haired male calling out his name until he felt a hard kick against his left shin, nearly causing him to knock over his precious parfait.

“ _Ow_! What was that for?”

“Are we going to talk or not?”

_Right, talking… Forgot about that._

Shovelling out the last couple of scoops of ice cream inside his cup, Gintoki burps, sliding his cup to the side and wipes his mouth with a tissue. He’s trying to not make it obvious that he’s stalling right now even though he knows painfully well that Hijikata has caught on to his stupid act (he _always_ does) and is just waiting for him to finish by watching his every move with those cold, steel blue eyes. Gintoki enjoys talking to the demonic vice commander regardless of their ‘stupid’ arguments and mishaps, except right now, the natural perm head would rather order another round of strawberry parfait rather than repeating those _four words_ from earlier out loud.

He regrets not repeating it to Hijikata on the phone where he wouldn’t be able to see the other man’s reaction because right now, Gintoki’s palms are sweating just thinking about how the chain smoker could react to what he’s about to say to him _in person._

Then again, Gintoki’s _been_ attempting to confess to Hijikata _twice_ now, once in the washroom a couple weeks ago, and a second time on the phone only minutes ago (although, he hadn’t planned on letting that happen since Zura and Kagura were in on it, at least, that’s what Gintoki had assumed). And hey, third time’s the charm.

Right…?

Gintoki wipes his clammy palms over his lap and glances over to the other’s face. He immediately locks eyes with him and can’t seem to pull away as he feels his cheeks burn for another time today, and swallows, once more, a lump in his dry throat.

“You…” the silver haired male coughs, clearing his throat before continuing. “You heard what I said earlier…”

“Mhm.”

“On the phone…”

An exhale of smoke is the only response.

“D’ya mind telling me exactly what you heard on the phone then? Y’know, other than whatever Zura said. I need to know if we’re on the same page here.”

Hijikata takes a deep drag from his cigarette, and puffs out a smoke before nodding his head.

“I overheard you say you love me. No, you _yelled_ it out so fucking loud I swear my ears could’ve bled.” Hijikata says nonchalantly, lowering his voice at the word ‘love’. “I even heard you yell out my full name which was bizarre to hear since you don’t even call me by my actual name most of the times.”

Gintoki can hear his heart pumping in his ears as he listens to Hijikata’s words. He’s embarrassed because he now knows that _yes_ the man sitting across from him is aware of his feelings. He’s embarrassed _and_ confused because he still doesn’t know where they stand in their relationship and he still doesn’t know how Hijikata feels about him. The only way he could find out the solution to his problems is to full out ask the man sitting in front of him and wait for his reply.

“My, your ears are sharp.” Gintoki laughs nervously, jiggling his knee under the table.

The samurai watches as the other male puffs out one last smoke before crushing the cigarette into the ashtray in front of him. His movements and facial expressions are unclear right now like scrambled up jigsaw pieces that Gintoki can’t seem to decipher and put together.

“Hijikata – ” Gintoki starts.

“I lied.” The other man says suddenly.

He blinks at the dark haired male.

“Lied about what?” He asks, his mind going blank.

“I lied to _myself._ I’ve _been_ lying to myself these past couple of weeks and it’s fucking _irritating_.”

 “Huh?” Gintoki cocks his head to the side. “What are you saying?”

“I… It’s hard to explain. But I don’t have much of a choice since I know you’re going to keep egging me on so I’m just going to say what’s been going on my mind since the last time I’ve seen you.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t been getting any sleep lately. And it’s not only because of work, or Kondou-san urging me to drink with him every night, or Sougo trying to destroy my life once I shut off and go to sleep. No… I haven’t been able to sleep, I haven’t been able to focus on my paperwork and I haven’t been able to combat properly on the battle field because of _you._ _You_ and your stupid fucking face. _You_ and your fucking perm. _You_ and your fucking voice. I can’t get _you_ out of my head and it’s driving me _insane_.

 “You know, that kiss from a couple weeks ago where you locked us in the washroom, I had to use all the willpower I had in me to prevent myself from kissing you back and letting you have your way with me. Of course, I regret not reciprocating my actions now because all I’ve been thinking about is the way your lips felt against mine, even if it only lasted a couple of seconds. But… I couldn’t. I just couldn’t kiss you back. Do you want to know why? Because I was scared. I was a fucking _coward_. I still am a coward to be honest… I was scared because that’s precisely when I realized the feeling that’s been in the pit of my stomach. I realized that I’ve felt this way before. Long ago… When I was a teenager, I felt this way towards someone. Towards _her_. It’s been a couple years since her death, yes, but I can still clearly recall the memories I had with her.

“I was scared because that’s when I realized that I didn’t want to have to go through that again. It seems as though the people I care about the most disappear from my life without having a chance for me to say goodbye to them one last time. After her death and my brother’s death, I made a silent vow to myself that I wouldn’t lend my heart to a single person anymore. I didn’t want to hurt anymore nor did I want to have this feeling of regret and guilt any longer... That is, until _you_ came around.

“I really wish I hadn’t met you, but at the same time, you made me feel _alive_ again. You annoy the living hell out of me most times, yes; however, you make me feel a whole whirlwind of emotions as well. What I’m trying to say is that I feel the same way, but I’m just not sure if I’m ready to make it… official just yet.”

It was a lot for Gintoki to take in and so he just lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in and just stares at the other man. He’s completely speechless at this point – he has been for the entirety of Hijikata’s speech – until he decides to shake his head and bring himself back to earth, and clears his throat before coming up with something to say in return.

“So, uh… was that just a big spiel saying that you _love_ me back, or…”

“…Yes,” Hijikata responds, no longer meeting his eyes with Gintoki’s as his gaze averted to the ashtray sitting in front of him and his fingers moved onto playing with the cap of the mayonnaise bottle that Gintoki hadn’t realized was sitting in front of them this entire time. Although he shouldn’t even be surprised to see it because the man sitting across from him is known as ‘Mayora’ for a reason.

“That’s great to hear – ”

“NICE ONE TOSHI!”

“Kondo-san, you shouldn’t yell – ”

“Why are you even here, you stupid sadist? You don’t even care about them.”

“Nobody cares about _you_ , China. So shut your mouth before we get caught.”

_What the hell is going on here?_

Both Gintoki and Hijikata look over their shoulders and spot two men (one of them resembling a gorilla) sporting the familiar Shinsengumi uniform, a girl wearing a traditional red Chinese outfit, and another figure with long black hair.

“Zura, hand me one of your bombs.” She says, extending out her right palm, meanwhile her other hand is clenched tightly around the collar of Sougo’s uniform. “ _This_ bastard needs to go.”

“U-Um…” Zura pats his clothes in search of his explosives and stares at the young girl with a look of dismay. “I seem to have misplaced them, Leader.”

“What do you mean ‘misplaced them’?”

“-Zaki-san, maybe you shouldn’t try it yourself. We should let your superiors handle the bomb instead before you accidently set the timer off.”

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

_“_ O-Oops.”

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

Six pairs of eyes widen as they soon realize whose voice that came from and slowly turn their heads towards the front of the restaurant where an ordinary not-so-straight Straight Man and his not-so-straight Straight Man _boyfriend_ walked through the doors. The taller of the two had a round object in his hands which is obviously the source of the beeping and is the _bomb_ the stupid terrorist seemed to have ‘misplaced’.

“Oh for fucks sake. We’re not dealing with this bullshit again,” Hijikata says as he slides out of the booth and pulls on Gintoki’s sleeve, dragging him out of the restaurant at a quick pace before the bomb could explode for another goddamn time.


	10. What's the point of epilogues?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to end the fic here. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this fanfic just as much as I had fun writing it. Although, this fic took a /bit/ longer for me to update and write, I just wanted to thank you guys for reading and sticking with me! I truly appreciate it (even though some of the characters are kinda out of character and the plot is a mess and there's a whole bunch of grammatical errors... er... lol).
> 
> Of course, I'll try my best to write more gintama fics! Hopefully some more YamaShin/GinHiji. That's the goal at least hahaha
> 
> Thank you x10000!!!!

It would seem that this is the end of the Megane’s love story. It’s been about five weeks since Shinpachi is in his first ever relationship (although not a female, he’s still in a relationship, which is all that matters to him _apparently_ ) with Yamazaki, ranked ninth on the popularity polls (although he’s number one in his heart), the plain spy of the Shinsengumi nonetheless. A member of the _Shinsengumi_. Yes. That surprised everyone and even himself. Shinpachi would have never guessed, no, would have never imagined that he’d be in the position that he’s in today: completely and utterly in love with a man, in love with Yamazaki.

He’s blushing just thinking about his infatuation and couldn’t care less about how anyone thinks of him right now. Yes, he would’ve been extremely self-conscious about his relationship a couple weeks ago (and he’s mentioned that like six times in this fanfic… sorry) but now, he’s grown a bit and has come to the conclusion that he really shouldn’t care how people react. It’s none of their business.  And it’s not like anyone can see his face and Yamazaki’s amongst the dark shadows looming in his bedroom.

It’s just after eleven and the Anpan Addict and the Megane had decided to grab a meal to eat at “Kabukichou’s best ramen restaurant” (according to Katsura-san), watch a movie at the city’s only cinema and then head over at his dojo to do some pretty… _heated_ things that he’d never admit out loud. Of course, he had made sure that his sister wasn’t home because there was no way in hell he’d be allowed to drag his boyfriend into his bedroom at night with her around. She’d automatically get suspicious and she would’ve been able to hear them talking and doing some pretty explicit things through the thin walls.

Shinpachi is then reminded of the time when Gin-san had visited his home after he had caught sight of the piles of ecchi mangas he had dropped in the middle of the street that one day. The sixteen year old had told the perm head that these explicit mangas weren’t his and they were Takachin’s who told him to keep them safe in his home. Being the man that he is, Gintoki didn’t believe a word that the Not-So-Straight-Man and told him to wash his hands. He then followed the younger boy into his home, snooped around his room and found a couple porn mags lying around even though Shinpachi told him on several occasions that he didn’t and _couldn’t_ hide any porn mags in his room because his sister can be insanely nosy if she really wanted to be. Fast forward, and the younger male found himself hanging from his ceiling, arms and legs taught behind him due to the rope bounded tightly around his body, and was being taught a lesson or two about S &M play from the older man himself.

_Geez…_

Not that he didn’t find any of those things… _interesting_ , Shinpachi just felt that it wasn’t necessary especially since he since he never took a fancy for S&M play unlike a certain silver haired twenty-something year old…

“What’s on your mind, Shinpachi-kun?”, Yamazaki whispers, brushing the smaller man’s fringe out of his eye and places a soft kiss on his forehead before pulling away and meeting his eyes.

The two were lying down on Shinpachi’s futon – Yamazaki hovering over the other male – as they had just finished rutting against each other’s bodies, and peppering each other with soft kisses along their necks. They had yet to strip off their boxers, but it seems the Shinsengumi spy had realized the zoned out expression on the Megane’s face as he kissed along his jawline and decided to lift his body off of his chest and stare at him with a soft expression.

“Huh? Oh… I was just thinking about Gin-san,” the younger boy replies.

“I hope that’s not your way of trying to make me jealous or anything… You do talk about Danna a lot…”

“Wha-?!” Shinpachi widened his eyes and lightly shoved the other male off of his chest and quickly sat up, placing his hands flat on the futon too keep himself balanced and turned his torso a bit to stare at Yamazaki. “How could you say that??”

A chuckle is all Shinpachi could hear as a response before he watched the other male shaking his head as he sits up straight and places his right hand flat on the futon, parallel from his own, and leans his weight onto that hand.

“I’m just kidding about the whole ‘jealous’ part. Although I’d be lying if I said that you _don’t_ talk about Danna often because you _do._ ” Yamazaki teases, using his left foot to softly kick at the younger man’s hip.

“ _Hey_!”, Shinpachi kicks the Anpan Addict on his shin a little harder than he probably should have. “You know I only vent to you about him because he treats me like crap most of the time and you insisted that I vent to you!”

“Okay, _yes_ …! No need to raise your voice at me. I was only making a joke. And besides, I vent to you about Hijikata-san sometimes too, so that makes us even.”

“But at least your boss pays you _on time_ …”

“That… _Touché._ ” Yamazaki says, placing his index finger on his chin.

“See?”

“Well…” the taller male scoots closer to the younger boy until their hips touch and takes one of Shinpachi’s hands. “What were you _actually_ thinking about?”

“I _was_ thinking about Gin-san, but not the way you’d think because that’s just gross. Gin-san’s like an older brother to me. I’ve never and never will look at him in that way. We’re family – ”

“I get it, Shinpachi-kun. Now go on…”

“I’m kind of just… wondering what he’s been up to lately. You know, other than having sex with Hijikata-san…”

“Eh?” The Shinsengumi spy blinks at him.

“Oh don’t give me that look, Yamazaki-san. It’s quite obvious that they’re hooking up almost every night.”

“’ _Every night_ ’? That would explain why whenever I knock on his door, there hasn’t been any replies lately… In fact, he’s the type to yell ‘What the hell do you want?’ or slide open the door after the first couple knocks.” Yamazaki says, scratching the back of his head. “It’s so unlike him.”

“Yeah. And it also explains why he kicks Kagura-chan out of the apartment every night. Often times he tells her that he’s going to be out for the entire night and that they don’t have food and that she should eat dinner with Anuene and I - which is really annoying because we have to buy three extra bags of rice just to fill her Yato appetite. And don’t get me wrong, I love Kagura-chan but she can be really irritating _and_ intimidating sometimes…” Shinpachi finishes as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and lets out a sigh.

How’d they even get to this topic? They were making out five minutes ago and now he’s venting to his boyfriend about Gin-san and Kagura-chan? Well, truth be told, _this_ is usually how their conversations go. Eventually the Megane will slip the perm head and the Yato girl into their conversation or Yamazaki-san will mention the Evil Vice Commander and the Sadistic Officer into their conversation. And then they’d kiss some more, and eventually fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Do you think Kagura knows what Danna is up to during those nights?” Yamazaki asks, cocking his head to the side. “She’s pretty young…”

“Obviously. Despite the fact that he’s only fourteen years old, she’s really clever and can come to pretty accurate conclusions really quickly.”

Flashback to a couple weeks ago.

After the second big explosion at the diner –all thanks to Katsura-san’s bomb, _again_ – Shinpachi had caught a glimpse of white and black sprinting down the street of Kabukichou at an unexplainable speed and then suddenly a flash of red, orange, and purple appear in his field of vision as he looked up through broken lenses to see Kagura-chan completely free from debris with her parasol in her hand.

“Hey! Shinpachi! Why’d you have to ruin everything?” She had said, leaning over with a scowl on her face.

The sixteen year old had coughed as the girl stepped on his chest with a heavy pressure. He had wrapped his hands around the girl’s ankle as an attempt to pull her weight off of his chest, but only to no avail.

“R-Ruin what? We just got here…! _Ugh_!” He said, referring to his boyfriend who was holding the bomb at the time. He turned his head slightly to look at Yamazaki’s face and saw that his chest was rising and falling which was a telltale sign that although he was badly injured and a broken glass was shoved up his ass, he was still _alive_. He’d check up on him once the fourteen year old girl removed her foot off of his chest.

Kagura bent down and clenched onto Shinpachi’s clothes, and pulled him up aggressively into a sitting position.

“Toshi finally confessed to Gin-san! Didn’t you hear? I’m eight million yen _richer_! Hahaha! In your face, Sougo! Pay up you sadistic piece of shit!” She turned to face the sandy haired male who was groaning in pain as he stood himself up, and stuck her tongue out at him the same time the Shinsengumi Vice Captain gave her the finger.

“Shut the fuck up, China. When did I ever say eight million yen?”

“You didn’t.” Kagura had let go of Shinpachi’s shirt and slowly walked towards Sougo.”I just came up with it now since you annoy the living hell out of me. So pay up.”

“You’re such a conniving bitch…” Sougo mumbled, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.

“What?” The Megane blinked at her back, still oblivious to what was going on.

“That means Leader’s and mine’s plan was successful, Shinpachi-kun.”

“Katsura-san?”

The long haired male extended out his hand in which the younger boy took to hold and used it to pull himself up to stand. As he stood up, he wiped the dirt and debris off of his clothes and stared at the taller male.

“You see, Leader and I came up with a plan to help Gintoki face his romantic… _troubles_. I’m sure you’re aware of it too since you see him every day, am I correct?”

“Well… yeah.”

Katsura-san’s assumption was correct. In fact, you’d have to be a complete idiot to _not_ notice Gintoki’s crush on Hijikata-san.

“So, what’d you guys do to Gin-san?” The Megane had asked the older male. He was legitimately invested and curious as to how the duo had made the perm head come to terms with his feelings with the chain smoker. It couldn’t have been easy, that’s for sure.

“We had – ”

“ _I_ came up with a brilliant plan that involved cellphones.” Kagura interrupted the Joui leader by screaming across the room. Shinpachi had averted his gaze from Katsura and squinted his eyes – his glasses were cracked pretty badly – and noticed how the Yato had gripped tightly onto Okita-san’s cravat, possibly choking the poor guy to death due to her unbelievable strength. “I mean, Zura helped a bit too.”

“It’s not Zura, it’s _Katsura_ ,” the longer haired male mumbled to himself.

“And it was really annoying to see Gin-chan sulking to himself the past couple of days. I’d ask him to make me something to eat and he’d just throw a raw egg at me and tell me to scramble it. I don’t even like scrambled egg. I only eat egg on rice. _Everyone_ knows that, sheesh.”

“Toshi also hasn’t been acting like himself lately, too.” Kondo-san, whom Shinpachi hadn’t even realized was lying underneath piles of concrete, suddenly piped up. “Even on missions he’d waver and nearly get sliced in two.”

“If only…” mumbles the Vice Captain in Kagura’s grip.

It seems Okita-san’s comment had flown over the Gorilla’s shoulders because he continued on with his banter completely unfazed.

“It was apparent that Toshi had found himself a lover.” Kondo added, lifting himself up into a sitting position. “I know that look anywhere. It’s the same look I have whenever I see Otae-san.”

“That’s disgusting.” Okita-san had commented to himself once more before getting kneed in his jewels by Kagura-chan.

“ _Anyways_ , Shinpachi.” Kagura finally released her grip on the male’s cravat and dropped him to the ground with a smug look on her face as she watched him clutch onto his crotch. “Both Gin-chan and Toshi are completely and utterly crushing on each other. It’s kinda gross to see, so I came up with a clever plan to put an end to their ‘stolen glances’ and finally get them to hook up. They don’t call me a ‘Love Guru’ for nothing.” She finished with a big smile on her face and crossed her arms proudly across her chest.

The sadistic teen rolled his eyes as he scoffed at her words.

“Tch. No one’s ever called you a ‘Love Guru’. And besides, I bet you eight million yen that you’ve _never_ even had a boyfriend before.”

Kagura’s face had gone beet red at that and she clenched her fists.

“S-Shut up, you sick sadist!!”

“I’m assuming that I get to keep my eight million yen, hm?” He teased with a smirk on his face.

“ _UGH_! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!”

And back to today’s timeline.

“Ah. So you’re saying I missed out on Kagura-chan’s plan while I was passed out?” Yamazaki asked, with a look of embarrassment on his face. “You could’ve woken me up, you know.” He nudges Shinpachi a second time that night.

The younger teen giggles and shoves him back playfully.

“Right, right. Well, now you’re in the know.”

“Thanks by the way.” The Shinsengumi spy smiles and leans over to leave a soft kiss on the other male’s cheek which only resulted in a blushing Megane.

“A-Anytime…” Shinpachi’s can still be a stuttering mess around Yamazaki-san even though they’ve been together for a while now. He just couldn’t help the way he feels around him, the way his heart beats faster around him, how a single kiss could make his mind go blank and make him think that they’re the only two people in the world.

“Actually… There’s something else that’s been on my mind while you were talking.”

Shinpachi cocks an eyebrow and eyes his boyfriend.

“What is it…?”

“You might think this is completely absurd but...” Yamazaki starts, lowering his voice.

“’But…’?” The sixteen year old repeats.

“Don’t tell anyone but,” He warns him and clears his throat. “I can’t help but think Vice Captain is quite fond of Kagura-chan… Am I in the wrong?”

Shinpachi nearly dies of laughter. Instead, he holds back his laughter and decides to push the older male onto his back, and climbs on top of him, leaving a kiss on his lips.

“No, you’re not. Kagura-chan is quite fond of Okita-san, as well. I’m certain.”

The two fell into a heap of kisses, hugs, and of course, some more grinding. Moans escaped from both of their lips as they stripped off their last piece of clothing and moved onto the main event.

He’s not going to go into too much _detail_ (let your imagination go _wild_ ), but one thing’s for sure.

The unexpected love story between a megane, fan boy and an anpan addicted officer was truly a story no one expected to hear or read about.

_8 + 9 = LOVE_

Or you know.

_17._

(If you really want to be technical.)


End file.
